


i despise that i adore you

by queencrank



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Eventual Smut, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn, They don't like each other in the beginning but they still attracted to each other, actually it kinda isn't slow burn they get together in like chapter 6, light angst at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:43:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 35,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queencrank/pseuds/queencrank
Summary: If Jack was to make a list of his Top Ten Worst Afternoons, this afternoon would definitely make the top five.Spending the day sitting across from possibly the most obnoxious person he knows while their friends make out a foot away was not his favourite thing to do. Sue him.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> i might still be in the thick of another big fic. but idc nd im blaming people other than myself (u know who u r)

If Jack was to make a list of his Top Ten Worst Afternoons, he knows that this afternoon was sure to be one of them. No way in hell was it not making the cut.

Spending the day sitting across from possibly the most obnoxious person in school as two horny teens in the form of their friends make out a foot away from him was not his favourite thing to do. Sue him.

 

It wasn't possible for Jack Merridew to put his hatred for Ralph Gornick into words.

It was possible, however, to voice his disgust towards the thought of the closest thing he has to a best friend fucking Gornick's best friend.

 

'Do you really have to do it on the couch?' Jack scowls at his trainers, digging the toe of one into the expensive-looking carpet as he tries to ignore the sound of lips smacking awkwardly against each other. If he had known that Roger invited Simon as well, he wouldn't have come. He definitely wouldn't have come if he had known that Simon would drag Gornick along with him - seriously, those two were practically attached at the hip. _Package deal_ , as his mom would say.

The blond in question sits across the room, curled up in an armchair, knees drawn to his chin and looking just as uncomfortable as Jack feels, chewing his nail as he pretends to be absorbed in his phone. What he could be doing, Jack had no idea. The only _real_ friend he had was playing tonsil tennis with his only friend.

God, Jack needed to find different friends. Or at least get out more.

'Fuck. Yeah, sorry.' Roger finally mutters, thankfully detaching from the smaller boy. Jack snorts in distaste and reaches under Roger and pulls his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He lights one and takes a long drag. Gornick clears his throat - God, even _that_ was delicate and pretty. What was he, a living China doll? - and glares at him.

'Can you not? I'm not interested in getting lung cancer because I breathed in your secondhand smoke.' Jack rolls his eyes, blowing the mouthful of smoke in his direction.

'Just don't breathe, then.' Gornick gives him the finger, a gesture surprisingly obscene for someone so pretty. In an objective way, of course. Jack gives him one back, then goes to open a window, sitting on the ledge. Just to avoid more bitching from Gornick. Of course, since Golden Boy had to get his way.

'Why the hell did you call me if all you were going to do was shag on your couch?' He asks in a sour tone, tracing the filtered end of his cigarette along his fingers.

'I thought we could all hang out,' Simon says this with a bright smile, climbing from Roger's lap to sit beside him on the couch, 'Ralph and I need to study anyways. We've got a test on Monday.'

'You copy your notes down somewhere on Roger's face or something?' Jack takes another drag, looking out into the thin strip of trees that divided the houses on Roger's side of the block from a football field. Once upon a time, he would've called those trees a forest. 'Besides, I don't need to be your friend just because you're shagging Roger or because we happen to share a class - that, might I add, is outside of the timetable. I certainly don't need to be friends with your friends.' He throws a terse smile at Simon, stretches, and shrugs. Roger gives him a warning look, but Jack pretends not to see it, checking the time on his phone.

'Merridew - '

'I gotta go. I'd make up some excuse but... I don't feel like it.' Jack stops to pull his jumper on, then slips out the front door.

 

Jack has just started down the street when the front door opens behind him, and he thinks that Simon has chased after him. He wouldn't put it past the boy, either. _Fuckin' try hard._

'What's your issue with me, anyways?' _Okay. So, not Simon._ Jack drops his shoulders and laughs, looking at his scuffed trainers, then turns with sharp words ready to be whipped at the blond. Those words curl up and die on his tongue when their eyes meet, leaving behind a bitter taste. Gornick has his arms wrapped around himself, shoulders hunched to his ears. His eyes are round and earnest and... _hopeful_. He looks too small for his own good and -

Jack looks up at the sky. It'd probably rain again, and soon, judging by the heavy grey clouds above them.

'A whole fuckload of things, Gornick,' Jack says hoarsely. swallowing around the bitterness that sticks to the roof of his mouth a short he looks back to the blond, flicking the remainder of his cigarette at the asphalt between them.

'Give me a list or something, then,' Gornick wets his lips and looks down, then purses those lips again, jaw set at an angle, 'because, unlike you, I try not to be a dick to my friends.' Jack scoffs.

'I guess you haven't noticed. Huh. Well - we aren't friends, Gornick. Don't really want to start _being_ friends either.'

'I would. Well - I'd like to try. For Simon. He really likes your friend. So, tell me,' He spreads his arms out like he's preparing for Jack to punch him in the stomach. Jack gives him a tired look and starts to turn away. The blond steps after him and grabs his hand. 'Ten things you don't like about me.' Jack could very easily list twenty things he didn't like about Gornick and have plenty left over. He just smiles thinly and shrugs again, pulling his hand away and pushing both into his pockets.

'Maybe some other time, Gornick.'

'Can I at least drive you home? I know you live pretty far.' He's extending an olive branch, and Jack knows he should take it. It'd certainly make all four of their lives easier. He considers it for a moment, but he knew that either his pride or ease was to be sacrificed in giving Gornick his answer. And he could very easily chose which one was on the chopping block.

'Maybe some other time, Gornick,' He repeats in a soft voice. He isn't sure if Gornick can even hear him, 'Go study for your test.' Before he can reply, Jack turns on his heel to walk away from him. He feels the first few drops of rain hit the top of his head, his shoulders. He wonders if Gornick had gone back in, but he doesn't dare look back.

'If you get sick, it's your own damn fault,' The blond calls after him, giving Jack his answer, 'Don't complain to anyone about the cold you'll catch!' Jack lifts his hand in farewell, heading to the corner.

Before he turns the corner, he swallows some of his pride and looks over his shoulder, watching until Gornick gives up and heads back into Roger's house, head hunched and arms drawn even more tightly around himself. He would never tell anyone this, but he stays out long after he's gone in, staring at the street until the spitting rain becomes more insistent, and he knows he'd miss his bus if he didn't start walking.

 

Jack is soaking wet by the time he gets home. His bus was late, and he didn't feel like waiting in the rain, so he started to walk instead, admittedly a idiotic decision. While on the last leg of his walk home, the skies split open and rain poured in earnest.

He sheds his soaked clothes and hangs them over the bathtub before going to settle on his bed, letting his mind wander as he opens a book he's supposed to be reading for class.

And, because whoever the fuck was up in Heaven or whatever loves to fuck with him, his thoughts wander almost immediately to Gornick, standing in the middle of the street. He has to wonder how he looked with rain water flattening his hair to his skull and running down his face. He has to wonder-

Jack presses his fingers to his eyelids and sighs, pushing the image of how vulnerable Gornick looked - _willingly_ vulnerable, like he was serving himself up a platter. Jack doubts that he had to put up any walls between himself and those around him anyways - in the street to the back of his head, and instead thinks of the aforementioned twenty plus reasons why he couldn't stand that boy.  
His seemingly endless luck in life and in love - if you could call never kissing the multiple girlfriends he's had _love_ \- and his penchant for shoving that luck under everyone's noses. His apparently huge skill for charisma - even the nastiest teachers liked him and referred to him by his first name, a rare feat in some cases. That stupid smile, the one he seems to save for exactly no one. He could be being mugged and still give that smile to the mugger and hand him his wallet. Would probably say some shit like _'You need it more than I do,'_ too.  
God, even his stupid fuckin' face bugged Jack. No one could be that - _**objectively**_ \- pretty.

Mostly, how he was good at _everything_ pissed Jack off. It wouldn't bug him as much usually. He minded his own business and didn't go around shoving his success on others' faces.  
What really irked him was that Gornick especially excelled at the only thing Jack himself wasn't good at - sports. Jack was decently athletic. He was quick, strong. But ask him to play football, and suddenly, he couldn't kick and run at the same time. Team sports were the opposite of his forte. And, of course, Gornick was excellent at kicking balls and running. Could make a career out of it, if he put the work in. It frustrated Jack to no end.

Now that he thought about it, Jack Merridew found it was surprisingly easy to put his hatred for Ralph Gornick into words.

(Even if he _didn't_ ignore those intrusive thoughts that served no purpose other than complicate an otherwise simple relationship.)


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He _really _had no idea why he was doing this again.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna do alternatin pov for each one (odd numbers are jack and even numbers are ralph) but it wouldn't work out wit this one bc of what i wanted to do in it  
> so the next two will probs be double ralph and THEN ill do the alternatin things

Jack had no idea why he was doing this again.

He could just as easily spend time with Maurice or some other choir boy and actually be doing something he wanted to do.

But here he is, sitting on the exact same couch he had two days ago, in the exact same position. Gornick and Simon are on Roger's floor, papers spread all over the carpet.

Gornick is wearing glasses - something that caught Jack off guard when he first put them on - reading glasses with thick black frames that look too big for him. They slide down the bridge of his nose when he bows his head. To solve this problem, he lies on his back, holding his jotter over his face. He chews on a knuckle as he reads over his notes, seeeming to scan the words over and over.

Jack catches himself staring and scowls to himself, turning to press his back against the arm of the sofa, trying to read the book for class. He wishes he had brought his headphones - Gornick is talking to Simon about whatever subject they're revising for in a soft voice, and it makes it hard to focus on the pages in front of him. Jack runs a hand through his hair and swallows, trying to keep his attention away from the blond.

'Anyone want a drink?' He asks, giving up. Roger raises his hand - Jack can hear his music from where he stood, and he's surprised he hears him. Gornick glances up and wets his lips.

'Nothing alcoholic.' He murmurs, and Simon nods in agreement. Jack snorts and all but stalks into Roger's kitchen.

He _really_ had no idea why he was doing this again. 

 

When he comes back, he feels like a fucking waiter, with two bottles of beer tucked under his arms and two glasses of water in his hand. He had only offered about drinks to be polite. Gornick actually beams up at him when he takes one, but Jack can tell it's more mocking than anything.

After passing out the drinks, Jack flops down onto his stomach on the couch, trying once more to read the goddamned book. He takes his fingers through the thick fibres of the plush carpet, managing to tune out the two boys chattering away about their Advanced History course. He takes a swig of his beer, eyes trained on the pages of the book - it wasn't half bad, actually - when someone nudges the hand buried in the carpet with their toe. Jack snaps to attention, looking up at the blond angrily.

'You taking History?'

'No. I don't need to - I already have a History credit.' Gornick hums, pushing his glasses back into place. Seriously. Just get glasses that fit better.

'Oh. Alright. I'll let you get back to... That, ' Jack grunts and turns back to the book. He's lost his place, and his focus. Jack has to fight the urge to scream out in annoyance, 'Oh! Before you get too wrapped up in anything, we were thinking of ordering something in. Any preferences?' Jack closes his eyes and tenses every muscle in his body before relaxing and giving Gornick a tired smile.

'No. Just get whatever.' Gornick smiles back, seemingly genuine, and turns away, biting the pad of his thumb.

 

Half an hour later, the two boys have pushed their revision to the side, and there is a vegetarian pizza on Roger's coffee table. Jack has to pick off both the green peppers and mushrooms that were on it, trying to make an effort not to scowl too hard. He fails. 

The sun starts to set before Roger remembers that he said he would drive Jack home. He had left his bus pass at home everything - and he didn't feel like walking for an hour in the chill. The boy looks out the window, and curses, checking the time.

'Oh - _fuck_ \- Merridew, we should probably get off,' He stands and looks to the boys on the floor, 'Alright, then? I'll be back in a jiff.' Jack raises a brow at that, but decides not to comment. The two on the floor smile and nod, and Jack heads out the door without a second glance at Gornick or his too-big glasses and bitten nails.

 

 

He's only been home for twenty minutes when his phone rings. He doesn't recognize the number.

'Hello?'

'Jack?' Jack jerks the phone away from his ear, squinting at the screen. He furrows his brow and replaces it against his cheekbone.

'What the fuck, Gornick?'

'Simon gave me your number. You doing anything?'

'How the fuck does Simon have my - is this a booty call or some bullshit?' He regrets it as soon as he says it. Kind of. The choking noise that the other boy makes is incredibly satisfying.

'Wh- _no_. Ew. I was thinking that if you weren't busy, you could tell me that list or whatever.' Jack sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. 'I'm serious, Jack! This means a lot to Simon - it probably is important to Roger somehow too. Or he's just super whipped.' He laughs, the sound nervous and breathy and Jack's breath catches. He swallows and blinks, taking a deep breath with a frown. 

'You really want a list?' He says after a long pause.

'Hit me.' Jack opens the drawer of his bedside table and pulls out his cigarettes. He presses his phone to his ear with his shoulder and holds the cigarette steady with his teeth.

'Alright, Gornick,' He mutters, lighting it, 'Get a fuckin' pen if you're this insistent to be the better person.' Gornick laughs again, that same sound, and Jack wonders what he's doing with his hands - in the most innocent sense.

'I don't need a pen.' He says warmly, and Jack lies back, pushing the drawer closed with his elbow.

'A'ight. Whatever. Uh - number one. You...' He blinks, then says the first thing that comes to mind, 'need new glasses. The ones you have are too big.' That same breathless laugh. Jack wants to reach through the phone and throttle him. Whatever would get him to stop laughing like that.

'My glasses?'

'Yeah. And... You should buy some gloves or something. Break that habit. I mean - biting your nails is probably your only vice. Unless you count being completely and utterly annoying as a vice. Then there's that too,' He swallows. He's babbling.

'I'm not sure you have the right to get after my bad habits. Plural, by the way.'

'Whatever. You don't have to do anything with your habits. It's whatever.  Uh - yeah. Gives you character or...'

'Or whatever?' He's teasing him - Jack blinks. It's an entirely human thing to do. All of this. Flaws. Human interactions. _Maybe Ralph Gornick wasn't some imperfect life-sized China doll._ The other boy hums and Jack can hear a bed creak. Maybe it's his own. He isn't sure. 'Alright, that's two. I said ten - eight more.'

'Um,' He could just list the first things that came to mind, regardless if he minded it or not. It would surely sate Gornick enough so he could just hang up and go to bed. 'Your hair... Bugs me. It's way too shiny.' He flicks the ashes from his cigarette into the dish he kept by his bed.

'I feel like these are just thinly veiled compliments. In your own strange way. Shiny hair. My bad habits give me character. What next? My eyes are too pretty?'

'I don't want to be mean.' I don't want to admit that most of the things I don't like are only things someone who spends more time than they should watching you wouldn't notice.

'Who are you, and what have you done with Jack Merridew?' Jack can hear the smile in his voice, and imagines Gornick biting his thumbnail. Or his lip. Or anything to hold himself back from appearing completely improper.

'What, do you want me to go mean?'

'Do you even have to ask?' Gornick has lowered his voice to a soft whisper, and Jack feels like someone has punched him in the stomach. He curses despite himself, stubbing out the rest of the cigarette. He wasn't smoking it anyways - just letting it burn down on its own, watching it smoulder.

'Shit - well, for starters, you're too open. You're just gonna get hurt. Trust me.' Gornick is silent, but Jack can hear him breathing on the other end. He keeps going. 'You... Use people, in a way. Girls. I've never seen you keep a girlfriend for more than a week. I've never see you kiss any of them, either. Or anything like that. And I've seen quite a few of those girls left to pick up the pieces with their friends.'

'I don't mean to.' Gornick's voice is small, like a child's. It kinda want to make Jack pull him close, protect him. From what?

'Figured. Want me to go on?' He's silent for a long moment. 

'Okay. Please.' He says, still small. Jack decides to soften, until the hurt has faded.

'You - you're too stubborn. Even with this stupid call. Actually - I think you're just used to getting your way. You're spoiled.'

'I know.'

'Alright. Erm - you should really chill with your fashion choices. It's all the place.' Gornick laughs again, a sharp bark that's too loud. Jack finds himself smiling, too.

'You've gotten soft again, Merridew.'

'Didn't want to make you cry or some bullshit like that.' Gornick chuckles, and it sounds like he was close to it. 'Um. It's actually - I need to -'

'Oh! Of course. Yes. Um... Are you free? Tomorrow? Simon is coming over to mine. Pretty sure Roger is, too.' Jack hesitates - he should say no. He knows that seeing Gornick in his own home, in his element, completely relaxed and more like this, all genuine barks of laughter and soft tones - it'd be stupid to go in person. Especially when he was left this breathless from a stupid ten-minute conversation over the phone. About the things he didn't like about Gornick. He should _really_ say no.

'I... I don't know your address.'

'I'll text it to you.' He says it too quickly, too desperately. Like he can sense that he's thinking about pulling away. Like he knows it's a bad idea, too. Jack swallows thickly, and nods. He catches himself, and swallows again, then coughs.

'Uh. Sure. Yes. I'll... I will be. There. Okay. Uh. Bye.' He hangs up too quickly, and practically throws his phone onto the bedside table, running his hands down his face and groaning.

When his phone chimes, he doesn't look at it until morning.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinkin abt it i guess it's not rlly enemies to lovers. is there a word for 'jack finds ralph annoying but still has a crush on him nd ralph just has a straight up crush'
> 
> also i kinda quickly introduced a subplot thats gonna be around until??? maybe 8 but it doesnt rlly have an affect on the story its jus to get the ball rollin on the romantic part of it

Simon had stormed into his house half an hour later than he said he would, and Ralph immediately knew he was upset - tardiness wasn't Simon's thing. If anything, he made a point of being early. Even Roger had gotten here before him - there was no sign of Jack, but that didn't surprise Ralph.

'I hate my parents.' The smaller boy said when he gets to his house, opening Ralph's door without knocking and walking straight in.

'Join the rest of us.' Roger mumbles, and Simon scoffs, dropping heavily onto Ralph's couch, arms crossed.

'What happened?' Ralph asks, poking his friend with his toe playfully. Simon pushes his leg away, but doesn't snap at him.

'You know how I told you about my parents?' Things at his home were tense - numerous fights about little things, they were even going to marriage counselling, 'Well. I couldn't tell anyone until things were final. But. My dad got the house, my mom got us.'

'Oh, shit dude. So are you moving?'

'Yeah. We're gonna go stay with my aunt in Bristol for a bit, until my mom can find a house.'

'Bristol?' Roger interjects, sitting up and pocketing his phone, 'What the hell? That's two fucking hours away, Simon.' It's the loudest that Ralph has ever heard him speak. Simon is about to reply when someone knocks at the door. Ralph climbs over the top of the couch, letting the two talk it over.

He peeks around the edge of the door, and smiles when his eyes meet Jack's.

'Hey.' He murmurs, and Jack rubs the back of his neck.

'Gornick,'

'Um, you can follow me into the kitchen. I think Simon and Roger are about two minutes from either shagging on my living room floor or having a screaming match. We should... Give 'em some privacy, I guess.'

 

Ralph sits up on a counter, and Jack sits at the island, running his hands over each other. The kitchen is dead silent - Ralph is listening for signs to see if he should intervene between the two boys in the living room, signs if any fight was going on. It's quiet in the living room, too. Either it was the quiet kind of fight or Simon had learned to do what he needed to do quietly.

'You have anything to drink?' Jack's voice makes Ralph jump - he hadn't noticed him getting up. He swallows and looks up into his face. Then, he nods and taps the cupboard above his head.

'Glasses are in here. You can look through the fridge if you want.' He moves to hop down, but Jack clasps his knee, holds him there.

'It's fine. I'll get it,' Ralph's lips were suddenly incredibly dry, 'Watch your head, Gornick.' Ralph ducks forward, his cheek dangerously close to Jack's chest. The cupboard opens, and then closes a moment later. Ralph leans back to rest his head against it. Jack's hand hasn't left his knee, and his icy eyes dart over his face like he's searching for something.

Then, the kitchen door swings open, and Jack's gone, filling the glass with water and turning to Simon, who stands in the doorway. Simon looks between them and raises a brow, then he walks over to the same cabinet that Jack was just in, letting Ralph jump down first.

'Okay. We've figured out our shit. Thanks for the... Uh, privacy.' He murmurs, and Ralph nods, walking out of the kitchen, his cheeks burning. He doesn't wait for Simon or Jack.

 

In the living room, Roger has put on a movie, and he sucks at an unlit cigarette. Ralph pauses it, and goes to sit beside him.

'So what's going down?' He asks quietly.

'Uh, he's leaving in a week.' Roger's back to his usual calm, quiet tone. 'We'll see each other on weekends and on holidays, and he said that his mom is gonna try and find a house that's close to his old one. This is just temporary.' It sounded exactly like something Simon would say - Ralph could tell that Roger was just relaying what Simon had said to him - with less kissing, most likely.

'Alright. Yeah. That isn't so bad.' He says, turning over this development in his head. Roger grunts in agreement, and pulls out his lighter.

'Can I smoke in here?' Ralph shrugs, tilting his chin to point to the windows.

'If you must. Open one of those, though. The couch is new.' Roger nods and sits on the ledge, lighting the cigarette dangling from his mouth.  


Simon and Jack walk in, and Jack looks slightly ruffled. He puts as much space between him and the smaller boy. Simon smiles at Ralph, and sits beside him, squeezing his hand. Ralph looks across him at Jack, raising his brows.

'What did you do?' He whispers to Simon.

'Not important.' The smaller boy hums, then leans in to whisper into his ear, 'I'll tell you later.' Ralph looks in concern at Jack, then bites his lip and restarts whatever movie Roger had put on, pulling his knees to his chin and chewing on his nail.

 

It's dark when Roger and Jack go home, and Simon and Ralph disappear into his room as soon as they leave, mostly to avoid his father, who was due to come home at any minute. Ralph sits on his bed, and Simon sits on a cushion on the floor, legs folded beneath him neatly. Ralph prods his shoulder with his toe, frowning.

'So, why the hell was Jack so freaked out when you two came in?' Simon lies back to look up at him, shrugging with a coy smile. Ralph allows himself to smile back, biting his lip to keep it somewhat stern, 'I don't think I've ever seen Jack Merridew look scared. You're one of a kind, mate. So, fess up. Share your secrets with the inferior.' Ralph shifts to settle on his stomach, chewing his nail.

'I just told him not to fuck around with you, is all. Might've done it with a fork held to his throat.' Simon shrugs nonchalantly.

'A fork - wait,' Ralph didn't know where to start with this new information, 'Fuck around with me? He isn't - '

'I don't know what you see in him, but I can tell that you've got something going on between the two of you - wait. Are you two shagging?'

'Gross! No - you know I'm waiting for the right person.' Simon gives him a look, and moves to face him.

'Whatever. But, I can tell you like him, but what I can't figure out is if he likes you back. And I don't want you getting hurt - especially when I'm two hours away and can't beat anyone up for you. And I don't think Roger would fight his best friend.'

'Well...' It was obvious that Jack's nose had been broken more than once - and Roger's, too. It could be more than possible that a few of those breaks were given to each other.

'Point is, I don't know what you two are doing, with you chasing after him and calling him when you should be sleeping, and him like... Towering over you or whatever in the kitchen.'

'You saw that?' Jack had moved so quickly, that Ralph was sure that Simon didn't see him.

'There's a window in that door, idiot. Let me say what I need to,' Ralph holds his hands up in apology, and Simon continues, 'But I just want you to be careful. And I want him to not leave you all sad and snivelly because you chose the wrong person to fuck for the first time. So I suggest that you figure out what the hell is going on between you two, yes?'

 

Simon leaves an hour after that conversation, and Ralph doesn't move, even after he does, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling as he chews at his pinky nail. He thought about texting Jack, something like _What are we?_ But it seemed so juvenile that Jack would call just to laugh, then delete his number and then file a restraining order against him. Then he thought about calling him - but that was an even worse idea. If he thought that that last phone call was a bad idea when he did it, then this was ridiculous. If he heard Jack's voice like that again - rough and raw as sandpaper - he would do something idiotic like find out his address and go over and just kiss him senseless.

Instead of following Simon's advice and working it out with Jack, he instead lies on his bed and picks out each concerning thought about Jack Merridew and picks at it until it's nothing more than a innocent little observations about his best friend's newest project's sort-of-maybe-best-friend.  
The tattoo on the inside of his arm looked insanely detailed, and he wanted to get up close and trace along with his fingers. Not because it was attached to Jack, of course. Just because he could appreciate cool art and nice tattoos. He wanted to count the numerous freckles littered Jack's face ~~and most likely the rest of his body~~ simply because he was curious about the amount of freckles one person could have. All the places Ralph wanted to trace over and memorize was just because he was interested to find out how someone could be all angles and edges and still be able to smile so softly at him.

His phone goes off just as he's starting to shave away at the most concerning thoughts, all about his lips, and he loses his train of thought. He groans and sits up, stretching to rid of the stiffness that had set in. He reaches for his phone where it buzzes incessantly on his bedside table, and falls back onto the bed before he answers, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

'Yeah?'

'Gornick.' Ralph sits up quickly, chewing on a knuckle.

'Wh - Jack?'

'Were you sleeping? I'm sorry - it's kind of late, and I kind of take you as someone who goes to bed early - '

'I've never heard you apologize for anything.' Ralph interjects with a smile, and Jack laughs - a short chuckle. He wets his lips and rolls onto his side. 'So. Um. What did you want?'

'Uh. Well, I was um, talking to Simon today.' It's Ralph's turn to laugh.

'He told me.'

'So, like... Do you think I'm fucking with you?' Jack sounded so vulnerable. It made Ralph want to save it and keep it in a place where no one else could have it. 'Because I'm... Fuck. Okay. You know how you said you wanted to try? For Simon, I mean?'

'Yeah. But, you know he's moving, right? He and Roger won't be able to keep up with the long distance thing. We won't have to, y'know?' Jack coughs.

'What if I want to? Even when Simon's in Bristol.' Ralph bites his lip and somehow manages not to punch the air in victorious, silent celebration. He cracks a small smile and laughs quietly, nervously. It was a step in the right direction, at least.

'Okay.'


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting progressively more gay nd it's v good

Ralph hadn't slept well that night. All he knows is that he somehow woke up in the morning from a night of sleep he doesn't remember getting. He sits up and stretches, groaning quietly. Falling back onto the pillows, Ralph checks his phone, running his hands through his hair. A few texts from Simon waits for him. 

> _You figure it out w/ Jack?  
>  Roger + I are going out for lunch  
>  you + Jack can tag along if you want_

Ralph bites his lip and shifts. Going out to lunch with Simon and Roger sounded like the opposite of fun - especially with Jack. Sitting across from two teens who seemingly always horny for each other when neither of them (he hoped) was in a relationship of their own - it was just asking to be put in another position that branched over the line of platonic and into the territory of somewhere Ralph isn't sure he wants to be in quite yet.

> _I think I gotta skip out on that  
>  Have fun_

Ralph closes his eyes and breathes out sharply through his nose, running his hands down his face. His phone chimes again, so he opens one eye to read the text. 

> _Gornick_  
>  _I don't feel like sitting in a circle and singing Kum ba yah_  
>  _Can you cover for me?_
> 
> _Can I ask why?_
> 
> _Too much Simon for one week._  
>  _And you. No offence._
> 
> _So what? You're just gonna sit at home and be alone and sad?_
> 
> _That's the plan_
> 
> _What if I tell you that Simon isn't gonna be around today, and I'm just gonna sit around with Charlie?_

Jack takes a moment to reply, and Ralph has to ask himself why he felt so nervous about his response.

> _Eh_  
>  _It's not like I have anything better to do_  
>  _Where?_

 

It was a nice day - they end up in the park at the end of Ralph's street. Ralph sits in one of the swings, swaying idly as he stares down at his phone.

'So. Who else is coming?' Charlie asks from the grass beside him. He wasn't Jack's biggest fan, and Ralph knew he wouldn't be thrilled.

'Jack.' He says his name as nonchalantly as he can.

'Which Jack?'

'Merridew Jack.' Charlie looks up sharply, and Ralph kicks at the sand under his foot.

'I... I didn't know that you two were friends.'

'We're not. Simon's going with Roger, y'know? He wants us to be.'

'Simon wants you to be friends with the kid who used to bully me? He was the one who started the Piggy thing - and it still sticks.'

'Actually - you know what? Not important. He isn't that bad.' Before Charlie can argue, a bus stops at the bus stop outside the park, pulling away a moment later. Jack is left standing on the curb, and Ralph straightens his back, biting his thumbnail when their eyes meet and Jack smiles.

Jack walks across the street without looking for any cars coming, hands shoved into his pocket. He steps over the little fence - his legs were ridiculously long. How had Ralph not noticed that?

'Gornick,' Jack leans on the support beam of the swing set. His eyes flick down to Charlie, still sitting in the grass. 'And... Fuck. I don't actually know your name.' Charlie glances at Ralph, who stops chewing his nail.

'Charles.' Jack grunts and drops down onto the swing next to Ralph, gripping the chains.

'So,' Jack pushes his swing back enough to start swinging slowly, 'What're you two planning to do here?'

'Just... Get some sunlight. Looks like you could definitely use some.' Jack rolls his eyes, then kicks at his ankle, gently.

'You should talk. It looks like you get a bit too much.' Ralph laughs and looks away so Jack won't see the flush that burns his cheeks. Charlie is looking suspiciously between the two of them, rising onto his knees. Ralph feels his brows pinch in at the middle and tilt up, and he bites his lip. He knew what Charlie was thinking.

'It's nothing.' He mouths to Piggy, who narrows his eyes. Ralph stands abruptly, then tilts his head back behind him.

'I'm gonna go over there.' He says, and Charlie is right on his heels, right on his heels.

'You said you weren't friends.' He hisses, and Ralph rolls his eyes.

'We're not. Trust me.' He reaches the hill and lies down, closing his eyes. He can feel Charlie lie down tomorrow, talk quietly in his ear.

'He likes you.' Ralph opens an eye and looks to him.

'Jack Merridew doesn't like anyone. That's his thing - he's an asshole.'

'That's not what I meant. He...' Charlie trails off, and Ralph looks up to find Jack walking towards them, hands back in his pockets. He stops at Ralph's feet, throwing him into shadow.

'Can I sit, or are you still gossiping?' Ralph smiles and pats the grass beside him, then lies back again, closing his eyes. The shadow over his face shifts, but it's still covering half his face. He opens an eye and looks up at Jack.

'Can I help you?' Jack's leaning on an elbow, looking at him like he had the day before, seemingly searching for something in his face. He bites his lip and looks away quickly, then sits up to pull a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it coolly. Charlie whines from the other side of Ralph, sitting up and reaching over him to pull the cigarette from Jack's mouth, grinding it out on his shoe, then scuffing his shoe through the grass. Ralph looks between the two and laughs loudly, lifting onto his elbows. 'Holy _fuck_ , Char.' Ralph looks back to Jack to see him sneer across at Charlie, and he punches his thigh. Jack flinches and looks down at him, biting his lip.

'The fuck, Gornick?'

'Don't be rude, man. Smoking's gross.'

'Vices give you character.' Jack's voice goes low and gravelly, and Ralph can't breathe right. Charlie scoffs behind him and stands, brushing himself off.

'I'm gonna go swing... or something.' Jack watches him go, then bites his lip, laughing ruefully and shaking his head.

'I really gotta find someone else to hang out with.' Ralph looks back to him and sits up, biting his thumbnail.

'How come?' Ralph watches his Adam's apple bob as he swallows, then shifts close enough to lean down, smiling softly. Ralph wants a picture of that smile - it's so soft, it fills out all the sharp angles and hard edges. He wants to trace his fingers over his cheek. He wants to kiss that smile until it's pressed into his face permanently. Jack still hasn't answered - he looks over his shoulder, bites his lip to suppress the smile.

'Your friend looks lonely.'

'You still haven't answered my question.' Jack hums, touches his ring finger - Ralph hadn't realized that he had lain his hand over the spot where he punched him. The taller boy looks down at him again, and leans in slightly. Ralph's lips part on their own accord, and all he can think is _He's gonna kiss me he's gonna kiss me he's gonna_ - 

'I'll tell you some other time, yeah?' Jack pauses, lays his entire hand over his, swallows. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. He whispers what he says next, voice small and nervous, 'Ralph.'


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO GAY LMAO

Whenever Jack looked at Ralph, - God, he was even calling him Ralph now - he got this big surge of messy feelings that terrified him to think about. So, of course, the only solution was to not look at him.

The only problem was, Jack didn't _want_ to not look at him. He never wanted to stop looking at him.

 

They sit in the same park they had three days ago, all five of them. Apparently, What's-His-Name had worked his way into this strange little group.

Roger and Simon sit on the swings, out of earshot, engrossed in whatever they were talking about. Ralph and his friend sit in the grass a little ways away, his voice just quiet enough that what he says is a soft murmur that Jack can't make out from this distance. They hadn't talked about that last day, about how they laid on this little foothill and talked so intimately, smiled so softly. Fuck, Jack was even able to figure out what he wanted from Ralph, and gave himself a sliver of what he wanted, touched his hand and somehow refrained from touching the rest of him. Called him his first name. God, when he did that - Ralph had smiled, wide and blinding and as thrilled as could be. It was as beautiful as the fucking sun. _Fuck_.

He lights a cigarette, holding Ralph's friend's gaze as he takes a long drag, exhales in his direction. What's-His-Name says something, and Ralph stops, mid-sentence, mid-smile, and looks over his shoulder, biting his lip to press the smile down. Jack notices that it still widens. Then, Ralph sits up and draws his eyebrows in, attempting a stern expression.

'What the hell did I say, Merridew?' He calls, and Jack raises a brow, takes another drag, and gives him the finger. Ralph turns back to the other boy for a moment, then hops onto his knees and actually _crawls_ towards him. Jesus Christ, this boy was gonna kill him.  
He stops at his feet, reaches up to take the cigarette from his mouth.

'Jesus, Gornick. You gonna try and get me to quit?' He waits for to grind it out, already wincing at the loss of yet another cigarette from this group.

'So, what? I'm Gornick again?' Ralph smiles and sits back on his heels, takes a drag. Jack sits forward, and Ralph only looks away to breathe out his mouthful of smoke. Ralph looks back up and scoots forward to replace the cigarette between his teeth. He moves closer still, and, Jesus fuck, he thinks he's gonna climb into his lap.

  
Two things happen next - first, the other boy coughs from behind them, and second, it starts raining. Ralph curses quietly and sits back, looking up at the sky. Simon and Roger have wandered over, and he twists to look at them.

'We could go to mine.' He says, and they both shrug. What's-His-Name shrugs too, and Ralph stands and brushes himself off, then holds out a hand to help Jack up. Just as an excuse to touch him, Jack takes it.

 

By the time they get back to Ralph's house, they're all soaked. Ralph hands out towels and makes everyone sit on the floor.

'The couch is new!' He insists when Jack glares at him, toweling his hair until it isn't as wet. Ralph bites his lip and leans against his coffee table, resting his chin in both palms, tapping his fingers on his chin and smiling up at him. Jack could kill to be able to see that smile every day.

'Does anyone want tea?' What's-His-Name cuts in, and Ralph looks away from him, the smile lessening as he nods up at his friend.

'Sure. You know where all the stuff is?' He's already moving to get up, and Jack can't help the surge of panic that comes when he does. The tubby boy nods and disappears into the hall, and Ralph sinks back down, biting his thumb. He looks like he's about to say something else when the lights flicker and thunder crashes outside. They both look to the ceiling, then Ralph smiles across at him. 'Think it'll clear up soon?'

'I dunno.'

'God, I hope so,' Ralph looks back to him, that smile never wavering. He bites his index finger and pokes his shin with his toe, 'I'd feel wrong letting you go home in the middle of a thunderstorm.' Jack grins.

'Maybe I shouldn't. If the storm keeps going, of course. Isn't really safe.' Ralph smiles and bites his lip, pushes his dripping hair from his face. Jack wants to reach across and towel it dry for him, just for an excuse to be close to him.

 

The storm doesn't lift by the time it's dark, so they spilt up into the guest bedrooms. Jack ends up sharing Ralph's room - there were two extra bedrooms, and What's-His-Name wasn't willing to share one. Not that he was complaining, of course - waking up in the same room as Ralph was probably as close as he was going to get to where he wanted to be. Jack follows Ralph down to his basement like a fucking lost puppy when he goes down to get a sleeping bag.

He leans in the doorway, watching Ralph stretch onto his tiptoes to get the sleeping bag down.

'You're gonna kill yourself.' He says, and Ralph pauses to look over his shoulder, bite his lip.

'Then help me, fuckin' giant.' Jack scoffs and straightens up, then wanders over to him lazily, nudges Ralph out of the way. Ralph leans on the storage unit and watches him take it down easily. 'I can sleep on this.' Ralph steps up close to him, and meets his gaze evenly.

'It's your house.' Jack can't breathe, can't think about anything but how _close_ he is.

'Exactly. You're a guest.' Ralph says it so softly that he doesn't fight, lets him take the sleeping bag. With a burst of bravery, he catches one of his hands, laces their fingers together. Ralph's breath catches, and he steps closer, rubbing his thumb over the side of his hand. Goddamn, Jack could do anything to him down here - everyone else was already in their rooms. No one would interrupt them. He swallows and tightens his grip, and Ralph lifts onto his tiptoes, resting his forehead on his shoulder.

Jack spots a freezer in the corner, and he so badly wants to lift him onto it and do everything he's thought that couldn't be possible. But he just stands, lets Ralph press close to him. He's dropped the sleeping bag, and it tangles in their feet. Silence stretches, fills the basement, and the only sounds is the hum of the freezer and their breathing. Then, Ralph speaks.

'We should... I'm gonna go upstairs, okay?' Ralph pulls back, wetting his lips. Jack nods, lets go of his hand. Ralph touches his wrist and smiles softly, then picks up the sleeping bag. He disappears upstairs, and Jack leans against the shelves, cursing quietly.

 

When he comes upstairs, Ralph has already changed. He sits on his bed, brushing his teeth and typing something onto his phone. Jack has to wonder if he's telling Simon about what happened - Merridew just manhandled me in my basement. He was about two seconds from fucking me on my freezer - what a creep! - Jack stops in the door, and Ralph looks up, wiping his mouth of the foam around his lips.

'Hey.' He mumbles, and Jack smiles. 'Hold on.' He disappears through a door and Jack can hear a tap run, can hear him spit. He comes back out, and leans on the wall.

'All cleaned up?' He manages, and Ralph smiles slightly, bumping his heel against the wall. A slightly-too-awkward-to-be-comfortable silence has just settled when Ralph speaks again.

'Sorry about tonight.' He has wrapped his arms around himself, and he steps closer.

'What part?'

'The rain. It stopped us, at the park. Maybe I should be, then.' He laughs quietly, nervously, and Jack wants to reach for his hand again, wants him pull him as close as he had been in the basement. His bedroom was certainly much more intimate than a musty room for storage.

'Stopped what?'

'I think I certainly would've gone further than you just did. Even with everyone there. Watching.' Ralph shifts, drops his gaze. 'I really wanted to... I wanted to kiss you so bad. In the park. In my living room. In the basement. I've wanted to kiss you for a while, I think.'

'Then why don't you?' Jack steps closer and swallows thickly.

'It's not... I've never... It isn't the right time. I want it to be... As perfect as it can be, I guess.' Jack nods, backs away again. 'It's late. We should get some sleep.' Jack nods, turns off the light and shuts the door, and Ralph takes a step towards his bed, then seems to think better of it, dropping onto his sleeping bag.

'Goodnight, Ralph.' Ralph doesn't reply until they're both settled, his voice small when he does.

'Night.'

 

Half an hour goes by, and Jack still isn't asleep. He swallows thickly and turns onto his side. He didn't even know if Ralph was still awake. He swallows again, and his voice comes out in a soft whisper. In the silent room, it still sounds like he's screaming.

'I like you, Ralph. I think so, anyways. I haven't really... Sorted myself out. But, um, I'm willing to... wait. Take it slow, if you want. Or, fuck it, just do it fast. Kiss you now, fuck you tomorrow. Whatever you want. I'll do it. For you. With you.' His words hang heavy and unanswered in the air, and Jack is starting to think that Ralph really was asleep, and he would never be able to find the courage to say this again. Then, Ralph rolls over onto his side, and Jack can just make out his face in the poor light, eyes round and teeth dug into his lip. He doesn't say anything, but Jack feels soft fingers slide over his own, hesitant and light.

Ralph lets out a shuddering breath, somehow relieved and nervous and content all at once, and squeezes his hand. Jack doesn't hesitate to squeeze back.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the FIRST filler chapter bc y'all know i have too many of those
> 
> this was gonna be a 'u like krabby patties don't u squidward' kinda chapter but we've already established that ralph has a hard on for jack and vice versa. so. wow.

Ralph wakes up with his fingers still tangled in Jack's. He hums and settles deeper into the built in pillow, studying Jack's sleeping face. After a while, he rolls his neck and carefully untangles his fingers from Jack's, careful not to wake him up.

He slips out of the room and pads down the stairs quietly. At the breakfast table, Simon and Charlie are already awake and have helped themselves to his cereal. Ralph rubs his hands down his face and sits down, pouring himself a bowl. Simon sets his spoon down, and speaks first.

'So?'

'So what?'

'How was last night?'

'It was... dark?'

'No - how was the night with Jack?'

'Uh? I let him have the bed?' Simon rolls his eyes and grabs Ralph's hand. It was still tingling from when he held Jack's - like there's were a million nerve endings there, and Jack could switch them on with just a touch.

'Jesus, Ralph. Do I have to spell it out? You two have been making eyes at each other for weeks. You could cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife - did you finally at least talk about it?'

'Kinda. We talked. Or he talked. I kinda just... held his hand.' Charlie snorts.

'That is such a you thing to do.'

'Jesus fuck, Char, it's not like you're some sort of relationship guru. The only one-up you have on me is that you...' He makes a rude gesture and Charlie snorts again, pushing his cereal around his bowl. Simon squeezes his hand and gives him his _Settle_ look.

'We're not... Saying you should rush in and shag him as soon as he comes down. But... You should figure it out. With him.'

'Maybe you shouldn't even see him,' Charlie cuts in, 'Merridew is Merridew. He's rough, in more ways than one. Find someone else to give it up to. After, you can decide if you want to leave a string of poor boys who would die for you like Simon. Merridew is another fixer upper. For sure.' Ralph is about to retort when the other two come down the stairs, their footsteps falling heavily.

Jack comes into the kitchen first, and seems to go out of his way to touch Ralph. He rests a hand on his shoulder and leans in to grab a box of Cheerios from the middle of the table.

'Can we talk?' He whispers, and Ralph nods, bites his lip.

'After breakfast.' Jack nods and squeezes his shoulder, then pulls back. Ralph's skin feels like it's on fire, and he can't get enough of it.

 

He finds Jack outside, leaning on the side of his house, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. Ralph takes it and tucks it behind his ear.

'Do you _want_ to die of lung cancer?' Jack hums and straightens up, crossing his arms. Ralph presses himself to the stone and bites his lip. 'So? You wanted to talk?' Jack hovers over him, searching his face.

'Right. Um - what are we?' Ralph snorts, and Jack presses closer.

'You make it sound like we're in middle school.' He can't help but giggle, and Jack grins, blushing.

'I'm serious. I don't wanna fuck it up.' Ralph hums as Jack presses his nose into his hair.

'We're... Something. I want to be something. Yeah?'

'Yeah. But... How slow do you want to take this?' Jack murmurs into his hair, and Ralph leans into him.

'Slow.' He murmurs back. 'I've... Nothing serious. I've never had anything serious enough to... Y'know.'

'So you're...?' Jack pulls back to look at him, hand resting on his waist.

'Yeah,' Ralph presses further into the wall, 'Is that an issue? It's whatever if it is.' Jack grins, kisses his temple, and Ralph can't breathe.

'Nah. It's kinda hot - knowing I'll be the only one.' Ralph flushes and nods.

'I've never... Kissed anyone, either.' He says hesitantly, and Jack's face lights up.

'Seriously? Like... Never? But you've had like... A bunch of girlfriends.'

'I'm waiting for the right time. Right person.' Jack hums, tilts up his chin.

'Am I the right person?' Ralph meets his eyes and swallows.

'Maybe,' He breathes, 'But it isn't the right time.' Jack nods and leans back, lets his hand drop from his chin.

'Alright. Tell me, when it is, okay? If it is.' Ralph nods, and takes his hand, pulls him back against him, resting his forehead on his shoulder. As soon as he does this, Jack goes lax and leans his cheek into his hair, just like he had in the basement.   
Just that little action makes Ralph feel so safe, so warm, and he can't get enough of it.


	7. VII

Jack knocks at Ralph's door at a ridiculously early time - Ralph was a morning person. The things he does for this boy. A woman he doesn't recognize opens the door, then calls into the house with a heavy accent that Jack can't place. French, maybe. Ralph appears behind her. It looks like he just woke up, with his hair plastered to his head on one side and wild on the other, his pajamas rumpled. God, he was adorable.

'Hey.' He murmurs when the woman shuffles away, hugging himself. Jack steps up closer, and he wants to kiss him until the sleep clouding his eyes clears. 'Simon flaked on us, so we're gonna be alone today.'

'How come?' Not that Jack was complaining, of course.

'He leaves in two days, Jack. He's probably gonna spend the day with Roger. Come on.' He pulls him into the house and lets the front door ease shut. Jack lets him guide him through the hall and up the stairs.

When Ralph reaches the landing, Jack is two steps below, just the right height to press his face to the space between his shoulder blades, wrapping his arms around his waist. Ralph sighs and leans into him, laying his hand over both of his.

'What should I call you?' He mumbles as Jack climbs another stair and rests his nose on the nape of the neck.

'My name?'

'No. Like, if I introduce you to people or whatever. Like... are we dating?' Jack hums and lays his cheek on his shoulder. He doesn't have an answer, and Ralph pulls away carefully. 'I need to revise for a test I have. Help me?' Jack nods and lets Ralph guide him into his bedroom.

  
If this was anyone else, he would have been on him as soon as he closes the door, hands on him, mouth on him. But this was Ralph, and he didn't want to fuck this up. He didn't want to do anything that Ralph wasn't comfortable with, and it seemed like he was comfortable with sitting beside him and holding his hand while he read through those color-coded notes of his. Jack leans in, tucks a piece of his hair behind his ear, then pushes his glasses back up his nose for him. Ralph smiles at his lap and squeezes his hand.

'Do you want to be? Dating me, I mean.' He asks, belatedly, and Ralph pauses, looking up from his jotter. He bites his lip.

'Yes,' He murmurs after a moment, and Jack sits up, pressing closer.

'Okay. Okay, yes. That's good,' He leans in again, and he wants to push the notebook from his lap and pull him into his, 'I think... I think we'd actually have to go on a date. To be considered... You know.'

'This can be a date. We're alone. We're talking.' Ralph presses his nose into his hair.

'You're studying.' Ralph sighs and takes his other hand, turning into him.

'So? We can still... Be on a date. Tell me... Tell me something about yourself.'

'Um. I... Got my first tattoo when I was thirteen?'

'What is it?'

'I'd have to take my shirt off to show you.' Ralph pulls back and bites his lip.

'I don't mind.' He says, finally, and Jack shivers, then shoulders his hoodie off, then pulls the loose tank top he had on up to his ribs, showing him the uneven script over his ribs. Maurice had done it for him, and it hurt like hell. It got infected a week later, and when he showed his mom, she went berserk. It was worth it, because Ralph leans in now, tracing his finger over each letter slowly, biting his lip.

'What does 'Kill The Beast' mean?' He asks quietly, and Jack's face goes on fire.

'Um. It's a... Inside joke? I guess?' Ralph bites his lip again and leans down to kiss the tattoo. Jack lets his tank top fall back down, and Ralph sits back, setting his notebook on the bed.

'Any other tattoos? I've counted two so far.' He murmurs, brushing his thumb over the first safely done tattoo Jack had gotten.

'Um. Yes. But I don't think you want me naked.' Ralph smiles and leans in, kissing his cheek.

'Yet.' He whispers into his ear, and Jack can't breathe. He squeezes his arm and sits back, then opens his jotter back up, tucking his feet beneath him. Jack stares down at him and tries to find his words.

 

An hour goes by, and Ralph has read his notes enough times that he could probably recite them backwards. He puts his notes away and turns to Jack, who is still stewing about that last line that he had barely said anything that last 60 minutes.

'What're you thinking about?' He whispers, and Jack nudges back when he gently nudges his shoulder with his.

'You.' Ralph bites his lip and edges closer, looking up at him expectantly. Jack sighs and bites his lip. 'What did I do to ever get you to even look twice at me, let alone want to _date_ me?' Ralph hums and shifts so he's lying on his stomach, and he kisses the top of Jack's thigh.

'You smiled at me,' He says simply, 'You're adorable when you smile.' Jack smiles now, and rests his hand on Ralph's head, pushing the hair from his face. Ralph rolls onto his back, and tugs at his arm. 'Lie down.' Jack sighs again and shifts so he's beside Ralph, then lies back. Ralph takes his hand and squeezes it, then looks to him.

'Why are we doing this?' He can't help but whisper, and Ralph pushes closer and touches his face.

'Tell me,' Ralph rolls onto his side, and lifts himself over Jack, and he's so close, 'Do you consider this a real date?' Jack laughs quietly, resisting the urge to lean up and kiss Ralph.

'Not really, no,' He says honestly, and Ralph hums, falling back and pressing a smile back by biting his lip, 'Why?'

'That's a shame. I would've kissed you if it was.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a goin away party for simon next chapter nd u know what my dumb ass does when i write parties ;)))))))


	8. VIII

Ralph and Jack come to Simon's going away party together. They're holding hands, and Jack doesn't pull away when Simon opens the door, already looking like he was swaying on his feet, grinning widely.

'Hey - oh, Jack. Um, Roger isn't here. Or he is, and he hasn't left, which would be sad, considering,' He laughs, and Ralph knows he's drunk. Simon was always too loud, too dramatic in his mood swings when he was drunk, 'Uh, you can see if he's still here, but I think you'll be pretty bored. Because I,' He tugs at Ralph's arm, 'Want to hang out with my best friend before I go to _rot_ in the suburbs of Bristol.' Ralph lets himself be pulled across the threshold, smiling apologetically.

'Uh - I'll find you later, okay? Or just find me if you're dying.' Jack nods, biting his lip. Ralph lifts his hand and kisses his fingertips, and barely stops himself from saying _I love you_. Jack smiles and steps into the hall after them when he drops his hand. They don't look away from each other until Simon bumps into something, cursing under his breath - he also cursed a lot, when he was drunk - and Ralph got distracted.

Simon pulls Ralph through the house, and he glances over his shoulder one more time to watch Jack wander into another room and out of sight.

'So, uh, what happened with Roger?' He asks finally when Simon stops at the hall table to grab a few bottles, dropping Ralph's arm to carry them all.

'Broke it off. It wasn't gonna last.' Simon says nonchalantly, and pushes his drink into his hand. 'Fuck Jack yet? He looks whipped.'

'Um? No?' Ralph follows him down the hall, sipping at Simon had been drinking and wrinkling his nose at the burn of whatever was in it - he had only been drunk once in his life, when he was fourteen and before he figured out that he should probably make a habit of skipping the twins' parties. Before that, he only had access to alcohol twice in his life, and both were at family weddings where he was being closely watched.

 

They end up in the kitchen, and Simon sits up on the counter, downing the rest of his drink and wincing.

'I didn't need some big party.' He mumbles.

'Blame the twins.' Ralph hums and finishes his own, trying not to gag it back up. Simon laughs and holds up a bottle of... Whatever it was, and inspects the label.

'Meh. They brought good booze. C'mon.' Simon hops down, holding the bottle and disappearing back into the hall. Ralph has no choice but to follow him.

 

They end up on the grass of Simon's back lawn, giggling about an old inside joke brought up when half the bottle has been downed. The lawn had recently been watered, and the grass soaks through the back of Ralph's shirt.

'So - you still haven't fucked Jack?'

'Nah. Haven't even kissed him. I mean, we've kissed each other on like, other parts of our bodies. Does that count?'

'Gross. And no. Are you planning on doing it soon?'

'I think so. I just want to make sure that we'll be together for a while before I do something so drastic.' Simon chuckles and sits up to take another swig of what Ralph had since discovered was tequila.

'You aren't some Christian girl in the '50's, Ralph. Losing your virginity isn't a big deal. You don't have to wait for the person you'll marry.'

'I know. And I'm not. I'm waiting for someone who I love.' Simon stops and looks back.

'Holy shit. You've been together for like, two seconds. Are you saying you love him?' Ralph presses his lips into a thin line and lifts his shoulders, but before he can explain, the back door slides open, and music leaks out into the quiet backyard. Ralph sits up on his elbows to watch Jack descend the deck stairs, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Simon stands, wobbling, and leaves the half-emptied bottle of tequila.

'I should be getting back.' He says, patting Jack on the shoulder as he passes. He gives him a look surprisingly serious for his state before going in. 'You hurt him, and I'll castrate you.' Jack laughs, only sounding a little nervous as he stands over Ralph.

'It's freezing out here.'

'It's not so bad. Come here.' Jack sighs and sits heavily in the grass beside him.

'I think you're drunk.'

'And I think you're cute. Why are we pointing things out about each other?'

'Should I take you home?'

'God, no. The night is young. Come, look at the stars with me.' Jack takes a long swig of the tequila then settles back, not complaining about the wet grass. Ralph shifts to rest his ear over his heart, taking his hand.

Comfortable silence settles as they pass the bottle back and forth until it's emptied, then Jack speaks.

'This would be a good time to kiss. I seem to remember you waiting for the right time?' Ralph hums and lifts his head to look at him.

'Now I'm waiting for you to take me out on a real date. A few right times have come and gone, Merridew.' Jack groans and drops his head onto the ground. Ralph smiles and squeezes his hand, then rolls onto his back to lie shoulder-to-shoulder.

'What if... We kiss now, and I take you out tomorrow?'

'Hm. Tempting. But it doesn't work that way.' Ralph nudges his leg with his foot, and Jack rolls onto his side to press his nose to the soft skin between the bottom of his ear and his jaw, then cup his cheek. Ralph tugs away and bites his lip.

'I can't decide if you're a tease or just a prude.' Jack mutters teasingly, and Ralph leans up to bite his shoulder.

'Don't test me. You have yet to see just how prudish I can be, mister. Or teasing, for that matter.' Ralph settles back into the wet grass and Jack lifts his arm, kissing up the length of it until he reaches his shoulder.  
He stays there for a while, then tugs down the neck of Ralph's shirt to kiss the spot without fabric muffling the warmth of his lips.

'What do you think you're doing?' Ralph whispers, voice failing. Resolve failing.

'Testing my boundaries.' Jack presses his tongue to his skin, and the noise Ralph makes is, frankly, pathetic. Jack grins when he pulls back, studying his expression. He lets go of his collar, but doesn't back away. Ralph shifts under him experimentally and arches into him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He knows that if they were sober, there was no way they would be this close.   
But they aren't, and Jack is just close enough that it would be incredibly easy to pull him down and kiss him, but far enough that Ralph isn't so tempted to. He wraps the soft curls at the base of Jack's neck around his finger and bites his lip, 

'We should go in.' He whispers, but neither of them let up. Jack settles on his forearms, and is suddenly in that danger zone. Their lips are a breath apart, but neither of them move. Ralph is thankful that Jack doesn't take this, seems to understand that Ralph needed to do this for himself, needed to be the one who leaned up, who started the kiss who's probability was increasing with each breath they both take, the smell of tequila so heavy that Ralph could still taste it.

He is drunk. He knows he is. But he isn't so far gone that he is beyond caring. And he knows that if he does this now, he'll regret it. The right moment is far from this. The right moment is not drunk in his best friend's backyard, shirt soaked through from the wet grass. It's not the tequila, heavy on both their breaths. It's not the darkness, barely able to make out Jack's face from the streetlights and the light from the house. (The lighting didn't matter. Not really. But whatever excuse Ralph can make up.) And it certainly isn't the sense that they were completely and utterly watched. Ralph had a feeling that when they came up, a few of his friends would be watching from the back door to be watching to see if he does it. He swallows and blinks up at Jack in the poor light.

'I'm getting cold.' He whispers, arms falling from his neck, and Jack's face falls for a split second before he smiles and pulls away, helping Ralph sit up. He helps him brush off, but stays seated when Ralph stands and turns to him, lifting an unlit cigarette in silent answer to his silent question. Ralph smiles down at him and picks up the empty bottle.

Jack waits until he's at the back door, then calls his name around his cigarette, now lit. Ralph turns to him, and he takes the cigarette out of his mouth to speak properly.

'I don't mind waiting. You're worth every second.' Ralph smiles, even though he can't see him, and pulls the door open. He pauses before going in to answer, calling over the music that now floods the backyard.

'You too, Jack.'


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KI

After he had left Jack in the backyard, he found Simon, who was sitting between the twins and Charlie - unsurprisingly the only sober person in the house, probably - and surprisingly not smoking whatever the twins had spiked their dad's cigarettes with. Ralph sat on the floor between Charlie's foot and Simon's, and Simon rested his hand on his head.

'Did you kiss him? It looked like you two were three seconds from fucking in my back lawn.' Simon said, too loudly, and Ralph shook his head.

'No. I don't want to be drunk when I have my first kiss.'

'Good.' Charlie piped in, and he looked about three seconds from going Mother Hen on them all and confiscating their drinks. 'I still don't think your first anything should have anything to do with Merridew, but I guess that's too late, since he's your first boyfriend and all now.' Ralph leaned his head back onto his thigh and looked up at his friend.

'He isn't that bad, Char. He's sweet, once you get past the tattoos and the smoking. And the fixer upper-ness of it all.' Simon patted his cheek, and Charlie smiled down at him, a bit strained.

'If you're happy.' He said after a long silence, and Ralph grinned up at him.

'I am.'

 

It had been two days since Simon's going away party, and Ralph had been given ample time to recover from the subsequent hangover.

Jack had only sent him a total of two texts these past two days:

> _Give Simon my best yeah? I cant make it to the train_

and 

> _I wont be in english will you get the hw for me? ❤_

Ralph had only gotten his homework for him because of the heart he put at the end, although he would never admit it.

He's sitting on his porch when Jack comes by, and he's got the homework packet set on his knee. Jack smiles when he sees him, then presses it down and rubs the back of his neck, tugging at the strings of his hoodie. Ralph doesn't move to meet him halfway, biting the pad of his thumb and smiles back.

Jack takes the three stairs in one bound, holding his hand out. Ralph knew he wasn't waiting for the packet.

'Hey.' He murmurs, stepping up so their knees knock together. Ralph tucks a piece of hair behind his ear and hands him the packet. Jack sets it aside and takes his face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs over his cheeks. 'Let me take you out tonight.' Ralph grins and grasps his wrists, warming under his touch and instantly becoming malleable and soft. Like putty. Not like he felt like Jack was manipulating him. Really, he just bent so easily to his want because he just - he _really_ liked him.

'Where?'

'Dinner? Movies? Both? I don't know - whatever you want, baby.'

'Is this a play to get me to kiss you?'

'Will it work?' Ralph presses the smile back and tugs him down to press their foreheads together, bracing the back of his neck with one hand.

'Maybe,' Jack steals a quick kiss pressed to his cheek and Ralph laughs, letting it slide, 'There's this movie that came out last weekend. Take me?' Jack pulls away after kissing his forehead and nods.

'What movie?'

 

Before they go to the theater, Jack takes him to a candy store.

'It's cheaper to get things here.' He murmurs into his hair and tugs him along the aisles.

'Can I still get popcorn? It's one of my guilty pleasures.' Jack grins and nods.

'You can have anything you want, baby. This is for you.' Ralph laughs and follows him through the store, pushing his arm through his. Jack grabs a bag of red liquorice, and Ralph leans into him, laughing.

'Twizzlers? Seriously?'

'You don't like these?' Ralph hums and rests his chin on Jack's shoulder, winding his arms around his waist. They probably looked ridiculous, standing in the middle of some candy store, swaying like this. Jack was a head taller than him, and he had to lurch painfully forward on his tiptoes to get where he stood, and he's glad Jack doesn't try to walk like this.

'I don't mind them. Just not my first choice.' Jack squeezes his hand and presses back into him until Ralph steps back and lets him go pay for his liquorice.

 

After buying their tickets and a popcorn and a fucking gigantic drink to share, they settle in the back of the theater. Jack takes Ralph's hand and leans across the armrest to push his nose to his temple.

'If you don't want to... You know. We don't have to. Don't feel like you need to because I want to, alright?' Ralph nods and leans against him as best he can.

'Alright.' He murmurs, just loud enough to be heard over the previews.

 

The lights dim, and Ralph immediately puts the armrest up and practically sits in Jack's lap, pulling their intertwined hands into his to rub his thumb over the back of his hand. Ralph can't figure out if he likes the scrape of his rough palms over his soft hand or he just puts up with it.  
Just as he decides that he loves it, Jack lifts their hands to his lips and kisses each knuckle, each finger tip - nineteen short little kisses. Ralph counts each one, and can barely breathe.

Jack lets go of his hand after that, but it still tingles, still itches and burns and he wants more of it.

 

Ralph forces himself to nibble at a piece of popcorn, pretending to be wrapped up in the movie. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jack look over to him and smile fondly, face thrown into reds and whites by the image on the screen. Ralph doesn't look back to him, even when he brushes his thumb along his jaw, and he gives himself a mental pat on the back. Jack hums quietly, so quiet that anyone else in the theater wouldn't be able to hear him under the dramatic soundtrack, then pulls away to take a bite of his liquorice, mindlessly gliding his fingers along his forearm. Ralph swallows the piece of popcorn he's been working on, and anxiously grabs another handful to give himself something to do other than kiss Jack senseless. Not like either of them would be complaining about that outcome, however.

 

At a slow point in the movie, Jack leans in to whisper in his ear.

'You're so adorable, you know that? It drives me mad.' Ralph flushes and turns his face to press his cheek to Jack's. 'The things I want to do with you, Ralph Gornick. The things I want to do to you.'

'Like what?' Ralph is openly watching Jack now. His light eyes go to the screen and he wets his perpetually chapped lips.

'This movie is rated PG-13. Sorry, baby. I can't tell you in here.' Ralph swallows thickly and quickly pretends to return his attention to the screen. The popcorn bag is nearly empty, so he turns to the untouched drink for distraction, never looking away from the screen. He's painfully aware of Jack watching his every move.

 

The movie is almost over, and Jack's empty liquorice bag is shoved among the popcorn crumbs, the bag between their feet. Ralph crumbles and turns to Jack.

'Kiss me.' He whispers, wetting his lips. Jack turns back to him slowly, giving him a long blink in surprise. Like he hadn't been expecting to actually get this far. Maybe he hadn't.

'What?'

'Kiss me. Now. I don't care, just kiss me, Jack. Fucki-' And Jack is on him, pushing him back into his own seat, arms tight around his waist. He's eager, and their lips aren't lined up properly. Ralph pulls away to try and correct it, but Jack just presses him further into the opposite armrest. Ralph is glad that the nearest person is two rows in front of them as he buries his fingers into his curls and presses back.

The kiss tastes of Jack's liquorice and their Coke and the butter and salt of movie theatre popcorn, and it's awkward and clumsy and the messiest thing Ralph has ever done, with teeth hitting teeth every time one of them tries to move his head to a different angle and fumbling hands that neither of them seem to know what to really do with.  
Ralph sighs into it and melts into him for not-the-first-time that day, because it's perfect, it's so perfect, and _Jack_ is so fucking perfect.

 

They kiss for the rest of the movie, a greedy, desperate kiss on both ends. Ralph's hands move from Jack's hair to his face to his neck, then he tangles the strings of his hoodie through his fingers, pulling him against him greedily. He wants him, all of him, always and only, right here, right now. No matter the ten strangers in the room. Jack's arms stay around his waist, fingers pressing firm into his back or grasping at his shirt, but he bites at his bottom lip every time Ralph gasped for air. They kiss until the lights come up, and even then, they're reluctant to pull apart.

Ralph is the one who breaks away, Jack's hoodie strings slowly unwinding from his fingers. He's shaking like a leaf, and he can't breathe properly, can't think properly. Jack seems to be just as rattled - his hoodie was rumpled and his hair messier than Ralph has ever seen it. But that was just things he could adjust, things that were a five second fix. His lips are pink and swollen and the sight of them just makes Ralph want to kiss him like that again. And again. And again, until they both couldn't breathe and they had to break apart. Jack grabs the back of his neck and pushes their foreheads together, and he laughs nervously, breathlessly.

'Fuck. That was _so_ worth the wait.'

* * *

Jack hadn't known that it was possible for someone like Ralph to kiss like that.

Innocent, glasses-wearing, never-been-kissed, never-been- _fucked_ Ralph Gornick kissed like his life depended on it. He kissed like he was drowning, like he was dying, like Jack could give him everything he wanted. And if it got him another kiss like that, Jack would.

 

Outside of the theater, Jack takes Ralph's hand and kisses the crown of his head - something that seemed so juvenile compared to what they just did. Ralph twirls his hoodie string around his index finger, and Jack makes a note to only ever wear hoodies with drawstring hoods from now on.

'Thank you.' He whispers, voice hoarse.

'What are you thanking me for?'

'Everything.' Ralph still doesn't lift his voice above a whisper, like he still can't breathe right. Jack bites his lip and straightens up.

'Don't. That kiss has done nothing but give me more despicable thoughts to get me through the night.'

'Good. Maybe you'll get to act on those thoughts. Walk me home?' Although he still seems so shaken, Ralph says it so nonchalantly, so easily, that the last part seems like it fit so well with the first bit. Like he wasn't suggesting that Jack would be able to fuck him. Maybe even soon. Jack still nods, and does as he's asked.

 

Ralph stops him just out of view of his house. It's getting dark, so he pulls him under a streetlamp and meets his eyes.

'I wish you could kiss me goodbye at my door. But... My dad's home, and I'm not ready for that conversation.' Jack doesn't press, just takes his face in his hands and kisses him again.

This kiss is entirely what he expects when he thinks of kissing Ralph - soft, careful and perfectly paced, perfectly timed, lips fitted together like jigsaw pieces. Although he wants more like that first kiss, it's still nice. It's still Ralph, and Jack knows he shouldn't be asking for more. Ralph pulls away and cups his cheek.

'Goodnight. Call me?'

'Of course.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao so i was kinda??? blanking on this for a bit and i was like??? what the heck??? but u know  
> art imitates life  
> (this is based off my very own first kiss bc im trash and i like to overshare with people who read my gay ff)


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another classic Filler Chapter(tm)
> 
> im livin for mom friend!piggy jsyk

Jack wakes up too late to get to his first period in time, so he takes his time getting dressed and getting something to eat. There is one missed call from Ralph, but he decides to make it up to him later, at lunch.

He catches a bus that lets him off five minutes from the school, and he takes his time getting there. He's ten minutes late for his second period.

 

At lunch, he finds Ralph sitting with What's-His-Name and the twins. He smiles and nudges his foot, and Ralph looks up from his phone, biting his lip.

'You didn't call.' He doesn't ask, and his tone suggests that he isn't surprised by that.

'Sorry.'

'And you were late - I didn't see you in your Maths.' Jack snorts at that.

'You checking up on me?' Ralph reaches up and tugs at his hand.

'Of course. Sit.' Jack looks to his friends and reluctantly kneels. Ralph sits up and bites his lip, meeting his eyes. 'You wanna come over? After school?' Jack opens his mouth to respond, when What's-His-Name - he should really learn his name - leans forward.

'I do.' Jack frowns at him, but Ralph smiles at his friend and pats his knee.

'Of course, Char.' Jack sighs and sits down heavily. 'So?'

'Sure.' He says warily, rubbing the back of his head. Ralph kisses his palm and smiles broadly at him.

 

 

After school ends, Jack meets Ralph at his locker, leaning on the one beside it as he puts his books away. He speaks quietly.

'Why is your friend coming? What do you have planned?'

'Well... I was gonna take you to my room so I could count your freckles. But I guess we'll just chill.' Jack sighs and leans his head against the locker.

'You're too nice for your own good, y'know that?'

'You'll live.' Ralph closes the locker and takes his hand, leading him to What's-His-Name's - Something with a C. _Chandler? Christopher?_ \- locker. While they wait for his friend, Jack wraps his arms around Ralph's waist and sets his chin on the top of his head. Ralph bites his lip and leans into him, threading their fingers together. Ralph looks up at him, kissing his chin, and then carefully tugs away from him. Jack sighs as What's-His-Name leads them out of the school.  
He drops back with Ralph so his friend wouldn't be able to hear them as well, and whispers in his ear.

'What did you mean by counting my freckles?' Ralph just smiles and picks up the pace, lacing his arm through What's-His-Name's. _Chad? Clark?_

 

 

Ralph waits for Jack in his living room, and sits in his lap without hesitation when he sits. Jack can't quite breathe right, but Ralph seems unaffected by how close they are, leaning back against him and acting like this wasn't the most they've touched at one time. Suddenly, Jack is extremely glad that What's-His-Name was here.

'Charlie,' Jack would've slapped his knee in recognition, if his knee wasn't covered with Ralph's - _Charles_ , that was it, 'Do you have any ideas on what to do?' Ralph turns in Jack's lap, and he steadies him with one hand, pretending like they did this all the time and fucking Ralph senseless wasn't the only thing on his mind. Charles shrugs, trying not to stare.

'I dunno. I suppose we could just watch the telly.' Ralph motions to the remotes, smiling at his friend as he takes Jack's hand. Like there wasn't enough contact already.

'Your choice, then.'

 

Charles puts on some documentary about wildlife in the Arctic Circle, and Jack tunes it out quickly. He gathers himself up and pulls Ralph against his chest, bracing one arm across his chest. Ralph hums and pulls his other arm into his lap, tracing his fingers over the bones in his hand. Jack kisses his shoulder and watches his face closely as he rests his hand on his thigh. Ralph traces his index finger along the veins on the inside of his arm, eyes fixed on the telly. Jack smiles to himself and kisses his neck, then rests his chin on his shoulder.  
He can feel Charles watching them, probably waiting for the first sign to pull his friend off his lap and get himself between them. He'd probably lecture them about safe sex while he was at it, too. Jack sighs and lifts his hand from his thighs, watching Charles nod in approval out of the corner of his eye. He tucks a piece of Ralph's hair behind his ear and rests his hand over the other. Ralph hums again, shifting in his lap and leaning back against him to look up at him, kiss his chin.

'I'm gonna get a drink. You want anything?'

'I can come with, if you'd like.' Ralph twists in his lap and bites his lip, smiling.

'Mm'kay. Could you pause it, Char?' His friend begrudgingly does as he asks, and Jack glances at the still of the herd of reindeer on the screen as Ralph hops down from his lap. Why he was still pretending to watch it, Jack didn't get.

 

Ralph is sitting up on the kitchen counter, just like he had that afternoon, the first time Jack had come to his house. Jack clasps his knee, just like he had that afternoon. The only difference is that Jack is incredibly close to getting his tongue in Ralph's mouth. Ralph arches into him just like he had the night before, fingers buried in his hair, knees clamped on either side of his waist. The noises he makes are incredible, and Jack wants to find every way to get him to make those noises. He tests his limits, sliding his hands up his thighs, up under his shirt, pressing his fingers to his stomach, brushing his forearm to his crotch carefully. Ralph moves into his hands, rubbing his thumb over his earlobe as he murmurs his name into the kiss. The door swings open, and Jack reluctantly pulls away, removing his hands from under Ralph's shirt. Ralph coughs into his wrist as he hops down from the counter.

'Either of you want some tea?' He asks, tone casual, like he wasn't just moments away from being shirtless. Charles nods, quietly letting the kitchen door close quietly. Jack crosses his arms and leans on the counter, and hums in a noncommittal way. Ralph still takes down three mugs, smiling fondly over his shoulder at him.

 

 

Charles leaves when the sun sets, but Jack stays. Ralph chews on his thumbnail.

'My dad's gonna be home soon,' He murmurs, 'But you can probably stay over if we say we're studying.' Jack wants to. He wants to stay over, sleep tangled in Ralph. Kiss him awake. But he knows he shouldn't.  
He steps forward and kisses his temple, taking his wrists in his hands and sliding his thumb along the curve.

'I should actually head home.'

'Oh. Yeah, of course,' Ralph leans up and kisses him gently. Jack releases his wrists, but doesn't back away, 'Will you come early tomorrow? I want to see you before classes.'

'Of course I will.'

'Okay,' Ralph smiles and kisses him again, 'Get home safe, yeah?' Jack cups one of his cheeks, and nods once, running his thumb over his cheekbone briefly before stepping away and letting his hand fall.

 

He's barely home for five minutes before he calls Ralph. The phone only rings once.


	11. XI

Ralph gets to school ten minutes before he usually does.

Which hadn't seemed so dramatic in theory.

When he usually gets there, there was a decent amount of students milling around, and sometimes Charlie or someone else would be there by then.

But right now the halls are empty, and he sits at the base of his locker, bored out of his mind.

 

Ralph doesn't know how long he waits for, but the usual chattering in the halls has started when Jack nudges his foot with his.

'Hey, pretty boy.' His voice is rough, like he had just woken up, and Ralph smiles up at him, motioning for him to sit. 'Were you waiting long?' He asks as his back hits Simon's old locker, and he slides down slowly. Ralph checks the time and shrugs.

'It's not a big deal.' Jack hums and tiredly rests his temple on his shoulder, taking his hand. 'You just wake up?'

'Yeah. I didn't want to leave you hanging.' Ralph smiles, running his fingers through his hair.

'Guess what?' Jack grunts in reply, probably moments away from falling asleep, 'My dad is staying at his office tonight. We could go out somewhere again, stay out as long as we want. You could even sleep over if you'd like.' Jack is silent for a long time, rubbing his thumb over the skin between Ralph's index and thumb. Ralph twists to check to see if he's awake, and he smiles blearily up at him.

'Where do you wanna go?'

 

Jack had wanted to skip school and spend the whole day together, but Ralph had frowned at him and got his books out. He told him;

'You can skip if you'd like, but I'm going to class.' He murmured, and Jack heaved a sigh.

 

Now, they sit in a park by the school, on a bench that's in the shade of a large tree. Ralph doesn't know what kind of tree it was - Charlie probably would. He's into nature as much as Simon is.

Jack leans into him, biting his lip, and Ralph twists to look up at him.

'What do you want to do?' He asks quietly, even though they were the only ones there.

'You pick.' Ralph bites the inside of his cheek and takes his hand as he promptly stands.

'Let's go to the library.' Jack raises a brow as he lets him pull him to his feet, slinging his bag over a shoulder.

'The library?'

'Trust me.' He says over his shoulder, tugging him along. Jack snorts and places a cigarette between his teeth.

 

They end up pressed into the quietest corner, surrounded by the shittiest erotic novels. No one comes by, and Ralph tugs at the strings of Jack's hoodie, pulling him to him as he leans against the shelves, the spines of the small books pressing into his back. He bites at Jack's bottom lip until he winces and tries to pull away.

'Gentle.' He whispers, and Ralph leans up to kiss his bottom lip in apology, wrapping his hoodie strings around his palm. Jack kisses along his hairline, brushing his hair from his face. 'Why'd you want to come here?'

'I wanted to get a book.'

'From the erotic romance section?'

'No. I also wanted to snog.'

'You bring girls here to snog?' Jack's tone is joking, but his hands tighten over his ribs protectively.

'No. I told you - you're my first.' Ralph hums and leans up to continue the kiss. Jack hums and presses him into the shelves, pulling away to kiss his neck. Ralph hums and lets his head fall back, sliding his fingers through his hair. As soon as he does, Jack sucks at his pulse, making him gasp. He pulls at his hair and Jack bites at his neck in warning.

'Keep that up and I'll leave a hickey.' He murmurs, and Ralph gives his hair an experimental tug. Jack latches onto his neck as soon as he does, making him squirm under him, trapped against the shelves as he suppresses a shriek. He pulls away after a moment, and nods to himself. Ralph frowns and wipes at the new wetness on his neck, ignoring the tenderness of where Jack had bit and sucked.

'My dad'll see that.' He whines, and Jack leans in to kiss the mark.

'Tell him a girl left it. He'd probably congratulate you if he thought you were finally getting some.' He rubs his thumb over the side of his neck and Ralph lays his hand over his, then ducks out from under him.

'First he'd ground me. _Then_ he'd congratulate me. And I really do want a book.'

 

There is a bench just outside the library. Ralph watches as Jack sits on it, waiting for him to check out the book.

When he walks out, putting the book in his bag, Jack stands quickly, brushing the back of his trousers of invisible dust. He's got an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth, and Ralph takes it from between his teeth to place it between his own. He reaches into Jack's pocket and starts walking as soon as he's got his lighter, not looking back at Jack as he lights the cigarette and slips the lighter into his back pocket, more bait for Jack to grab his arse than anything else. Jack steps up so they're shoulder to shoulder, and takes the bait, sliding his hand into his back pocket easily. His hand is warm on Ralph's rear, and he tries not to gasp. He fails.

'You're actually costing me money by taking my cigarettes all the time, y'know.' Jack hums, staring straight ahead. Ralph has to take the cigarette from his mouth to answer.

'What're you gonna do about it?' Jack stops then, and Ralph almost keeps walking. Almost.  
When he stops, Jack grabs his arm and leans down to whisper in his ear.

'Take me back to yours and you'll find out.' Ralph pulls away and smiles.

 

 

Walking home, Jack doesn't let go of his hand, lighting another cigarette. Ralph doesn't comment on this one, but adjusts his hand so their fingers are interlaced and he can squeeze Jack's hand more easily. Jack squeezes back and leans into him.

Outside his house, Jack stops on the sidewalk to scuff his cigarette out. Ralph waits for him on the top step, somewhat impatiently, twirling his keys around his index finger. Jack bounds up the steps in two steps as he unlocks the door, pulling him to his front as he mouths at the hickey.

'It's faded a bit. Want me to freshen it up?' Ralph extracts himself from his arms to open the door and turn on the hall light.

'Let's see the damage before any freshening happens.' He murmurs, and steps up to the large mirror that was hung above the hall table. He touches the mark, and shrugs. 'It's not so bad.'

'I can leave some more if you'd like.'

'What I'd like is for you to tell me what you planned to do about the whole taking your cigarettes thing.' Jack smiles at their reflections and kisses his ear.

'Your dad won't be home until morning, right?'

'Late morning.' Jack kisses along his jaw, gathering his shirt up around his stomach to slide his fingers over the golden skin.

'Can I take you up to your bedroom?' Ralph nods silently, caught in their reflections as he watches his pale fingers work up under his shirt, hand hot on his exposed skin. Jack gently coaxes him down the hall and up the stairs, never pulling away from his neck, hand pressed to his stomach as they get to the landing. 'Can I take this off?' Jack whispers, breath warm on Ralph's neck.

'Not yet,' He breathes, knees weak. Jack nods and pushes the door to his room open, guiding him in before shutting the door tightly and turning back to him, biting his lip as he pulls his arms from his hoodie sleeves. He stops and his teeth dig further into his lip.

'Is this okay?' Ralph nods and sits on his bed. Jack drops the hoodie to his floor and steps up so their knees press together. Ralph bites his lip and tugs at the hem of his shirt.

'So,' He murmurs, pulling him down, 'What was your plan?' Jack leans into him, taking hold of his chin and tilting it up.

'My plan was getting into your room again. I'm just winging it now.'

'You could get a step further if you'd like.' Ralph murmurs and turns his body so his knees are facing the door, scooting up to settle against the wall. He pulls his knees up and holds out a hand to the taller boy. Jack smiles and takes it, climbing onto his bed and leaning over him, threading their fingers together as he cups his cheek. Ralph pushes his fingers through his hair and leans into him. 'Now what?'

'Now that I've gotten into your room - and into your bed - maybe I could get into your pants?' Jack hums, leaning down to kiss his jaw.

'Jack,' Ralph presses his hand to the back of his head and lets his own head fall to the wall, 'I'm not...'

'Alright, I get it. I can wait - it won't kill me.' Ralph turns his face into his hair and kisses his hair, shifting so Jack's legs are between his. Jack pulls back and leans on his elbow, setting his thumb in the hollow above Ralph's Adam's apple. Ralph closes his eyes and lifts his chin.

'Thank you.'

'Don't,' Jack presses his hands to Ralph's waist, 'If you knew that things I think about you, you'd probably want to stay far away.' Ralph hums and tugs him down to whisper in his ear, fingers curling into the dark cotton of his shirt.

'Try me.'

 

The sun has long gone down when they pull apart, both panting. Jack's hair is mussed and Ralph's lips are swollen and sensitive, his cheeks flushed. Jack settles onto his side and looks over him calmly, smiling softly.

'Are you staying over?'

'I can, if you'd like to.' Ralph nods and tugs him down, pressing his face to his neck.

'Yes, please.' Jack grins and kisses his temple, wraps his arms around his waist. Ralph curls his fingers into his shirt and pulls him closer, pressing his face into his neck.

'You gonna sleep now?' Ralph hums and rolls onto his side.

'Unless you have a problem with it.' Jack snorts as Ralph turns over to press his back to his front.

'Nah, you seem pretty worn out.' Ralph smiles at the wall, letting Jack brush a piece of hair behind his ear.

'Talk to me.' Jack kisses his jaw and brushes his fingers over his cheek.

'Um, alright,' He lowers his voice, and the soft hoarseness brings a shudder down Ralph's spine, 'I can't believe you're here. Or, I guess, I'm here. You're so - fuck, Ralph. It's ridiculous. You're ridiculous.' Ralph presses back into him, his words melting in a soft hum as he dozes, wrapped up in his heat. Jack kisses his temple and tightens his arms around him.

 

He spends the next few hours in this frustrating area of not asleep but not alert, either. Every time Jack shifts or sighs, Ralph is snapped back from almost completely asleep.

'You asleep?' He murmurs into the quiet room. Jack hums.

'Nowhere near it.' Ralph taps his arm, and Jack lets him go so he can roll over, their noses a breath apart. Jack smiles tiredly, slinging his arm over his waist. 'Better?'

'Much. Being with you is fun, but it's a perk if I can see your face.' Jack hums and kisses his cheek, then gathers the front of his shirt in his hands, tugging at it. Ralph smiles up at him, pressing as close as he can. Jack kisses his temple, then brushes his hair back gently. Ralph takes his hand and squeezes it, then lets their intertwined hands in the small space between their faces.

 

They lie tangled together, staring at each other in relative silence until Ralph can't keep his eyes open anymore, then he falls asleep with his face pressed to Jack's hand, surrounded by his warmth.


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im lub,,,, soft mornin things
> 
> (another Filler Chapter bc i need help lmao im not good at plans - this is a REALLY REALLY short one lmao)

Jack doesn't sleep.

Even when he can't see Ralph's face, he still stares into the dark, knowing Ralph was a literal breath away from from. He listens to his soft snores, trying not to press his face into his neck and wake him with the thousand kisses he wanted to cover his face in. Instead, he just pulls him closer, kissing his knuckles. He knew he wouldn't be getting his hand back until Ralph woke up, but he didn't mind.

 

Ralph wakes up with the sun and the birds, stretching and releasing his hand, then falling back to the pillow. He opens one eye and smiles blearily up at Jack.

'Mornin' love,' Ralph's words are slurred with sleep, and Jack snorts, 'How'd'ya sleep?'

'Good.' Jack lies. Ralph hums, pressing their foreheads together. All Jack can smell is his morning breath, but he somehow makes it work. The blond gives him a quick, sloppy kiss then presses his face into his neck, pulling him as close as he can, their legs tangling even more in the process.

'Wish we could do this every night. I've just decided that waking up next to you is my favorite thing to do.' Ralph's mouth is close enough to his ear that his voice isn't muffled by his shirt.

'Agreed.' Jack hums as he rolls onto his back, bringing Ralph on top of him. He traces his finger up the length of Ralph's spine, kissing his shoulder. The blond shivers and presses his cheek to his collarbone, hands curling into his shirt, tugging at the garment. 'How can I end up in here again?'

'Keep touching me like that, and I might not let you leave at all.' Carefully, Jack pushes his shirt up to trace shapes over the small of his back. Ralph's breath hitches, and he lets out a shuddering sigh, melting into him. Jack presses lazy, open-mouthed kisses to the side of his neck, threading his hand through his hair and cradling him close.

'When does your dad get home?' Ralph hums, falling into him, holding onto his ribs, pressing his hips into his.

'Ten-ish.' Ralph sits up, his shirt falling back into place. He studies Jack's face, biting his lip. 'Take off your shirt.'

'What?'

'I get it if you don't want to. But I just want to see what I'm working with, if I ever get the courage to start... You know.' He makes a rude gesture, cheeks pink. Jack can tell he's wide awake now. Jack grins, leaning back to look at him, admiring how he looked now.

'You've never jerked off?' Ralph's cheeks turn from pink to red, and the flush makes it's way past the collar of his shirt. What Jack wouldn't give to see the extent of the flush - maybe Ralph was one of those people who's whole body went pink when he blushed.  
He bites his lip and takes his hands, sets them over the hem of his shirt. 'You do it for me. So we can both get something from it.' Ralph clears his throat and nods, tugging the garment up over his stomach, then rolling the hem up. Jack lifts his arms for him, but before they can go much further, Ralph stops, looking up.

'Wait here.' He whispers, climbing off him to peek out the window. He curses, looking back to Jack. 'My father - he's home early.' Jack promptly stands and picks up his hoodie from where he dropped it the night before.

'I guess you'll have to use your imagination like the rest of us.' He murmurs, swiping his thumb over the fading hickey. 'We were studying for history, and it was late so I slept over, alright?' Ralph nods and kisses him briefly, the kiss stupidly chaste and awkward.

'Wait a bit before you come down.'

 

When Jack comes down, Ralph is sitting across from the table from his father, who is on his phone, tapping something into it, barely sparing anyone a glance. The man glances up when the kitchen door slowly drifts shut behind Jack, then sets his phone on the table.

'Oh. I wasn't aware we had company.' He says, sending Ralph a lingering glance as he stands, holding his hand out. Jack takes it, wetting his lips. The taller man shakes it firmly, ridiculously professional and eerily similar to how fathers who knew he was seeing their sons would approach him. 'I'm Ralph's father.' Ralph stands behind them, his stance ridiculous, like he's a soldier - chest puffed, hands behind his back, chin raised.

'He knew that, father.' Ralph mutters, looking down at his shoes.

'And you, son? What's your name?' His father pretends like he didn't hear Ralph. Jack straightens his back and coughs.

'Um. Jack. Jack Merridew.' The man nods, then sits back down, and Ralph hesitantly follows suit, staring down at his plate.

'Well, Jack? Are you staying for breakfast?'

'Uh - my mom will be home soon,' He lies, pointing back towards the door, 'I should probably head out soon.' Ralph springs back up, way too quickly, brushing his shirt off.

'I'll walk you out.' Jack raises a brow, then opens the door for Ralph, barely looking back at his father.

  
Out in the hall, Ralph takes his hand and glances over his shoulder, biting his lip.

'I'm sorry about him. He's kind of an asshole sometimes.'

'I'm used to asshole fathers. Don't sweat it.' Ralph nods and leads him to the front door.

'See you tomorrow?' Jack takes his face in his hands and kisses him quickly, then opens the door.

'See you tomorrow.'

* * *

Ralph returns back to the kitchen as soon as Jack leaves, chewing on his nail. His father barely looks up - it was like any other day.

'Don't forget to bring the sleeping bag back downstairs.' He says as Ralph puts some bread into the toaster. Ralph stops, his fingers on the lever, half-way down. He swallows and looks down at his hand, pushing the bread the rest of the way down.

'We didn't bring it up, actually.'

'Oh?'

'I mean, we were just really... Tired. After studying. We slept on opposite ends, it isn't a big deal.'

'Of course not. I'm not saying it is.' Ralph nods, still refusing to look at his father, trying not to bite his nails. That would be a dead giveaway. 'But even if it was a big deal, to you, Ralph,' Ralph swallows and tries not to lurch forward - he couldn't remember the last time his father called him by his name, 'It's not the end of the world.'

'Of course not.' He wishes that the toast would be ready faster, so he could go and eat it in his room while changing - his father wouldn't care, as long as he didn't get crumbs on his bed. Or the rug.

'That boy doesn't look like someone you would make friends with, is what I'm saying.' Ralph freezes, and, thankfully, the toast springs up. He grabs it from the toaster, ignoring the heat, and hurriedly steps around his father's chair.

'I'm branching out.' He mumbles, pushing back through the door. His father doesn't push, and he doesn't follow him, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they don't know it yet but they in luv
> 
> (jack will Realize some Things next chapter buT idk abt ralph bc ill tell u know that it's gonna b jack-centric bc he's my uglie son)
> 
> also ralph's dad is Supportive and u will see more of him but later


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a lil time jump between last chapter and this one - i was kinda imagining it to be end of may (or early june) nd now it's like?? mid june and exams are thru.  
> idk how exams work in the uk but w/e
> 
> (another filler chapter but i promise good things are comin soon)

'I still can't believe it's the first week of break and you're spending it in  _Bristol.'_ Jack is helping Ralph pack his little suitcase in the back of Charles' aunt's van. Ralph looks up at him through his lashes and smiles, making sure to brush their fingers together. His father is speaking with Charles' aunt a short distance away.

'I'm spending it with my two best friends, one of which I haven't seen in a good month or so. Besides - absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that.' Ralph is whispering, his eyes on his father as he takes Jack's hand, stepping to the side so his body blocks their hands from view. Jack squeezes his hand, then risks kissing his temple. Ralph's cheeks flush pink immediately as he jerks away, hand on his wrist. He says his name quietly, warning clear in his tone, and Jack smiles, leaning into him slightly - just enough that he would be the only one to notice.

'I should get going.' He whispers, and Jack follows him around the van to press him to the small space between the two windows, kissing him. Ralph hums and leans up into him, deepening the kiss as he sets his hands on his shoulders. Jack pulls him closer, wrapping his arms around his waist. 'I really should...' Ralph whispers, pulling back briefly to kiss Jack's cheeks, before going back to kissing him. Jack hums and presses him further to the side of the van.  
Someone clears their throat, and they spring apart, breathing heavily. Charles stands by the back of the van, arms crossed over his chest. Jack's tense muscles go slack and he turns to kiss Ralph's forehead. His friend carefully steps between them before he can do anything, and Ralph smiles apologetically over his shoulder, then wipes his mouth on his sleeve. Charles hoists himself into the van and Jack stops Ralph can follow him.

'Call me tonight. I'll finish saying goodbye then. FaceTime.' Ralph smiles down at him, one foot in the car.

'How can you say goodbye when I'm already there?'

'I have my ways.' Jack lets him go and steps back, crossing his arms over his chest and pressing his smile back as Ralph's father steps around the car. He leans in to the car, meeting Ralph's eyes. 'Have a good drive. I'm heading home.' Ralph smiles, ridiculously wide and bright, leaning forward to set his elbows on his knees, chin in his hands.

'I'll definitely call you tonight.' He murmurs, biting his lip, and Jack nods, mostly to himself, as he straightens up, shoving his hands into his pockets.

 

He hasn't finished his cigarette by the time he gets home, so he leans against the brick, taking a drag, lifting his hips to pull his phone from his back pocket. Ralph has texted him, twice, and had a new addition to his Snapchat story. Jack resists the urge to screenshot his bright smile as he shakily films the back seat of the van, drinking an iced coffee. 

 

> _Fuck baby, you're so cute._

The reply comes quickly, and he can imagine Ralph biting his nail or trying to press his smile back.

 

> _Really?_
> 
> _Yeah_  
>  _Its really stupid_
> 
> _What're you gonna do about it?_
> 
> _I can't do anything when you're in Bristol_  
>  _Come back home and i'll show you_
> 
> _Could you wait for a week?  
>  Its not like i wont look any different_
> 
> _I dont know baby  
>  I might forget what I want to do_

With that, Jack puts his phone away and ignores the rapid fire chimes - Ralph was probably whining, something he was impressively good at - and goes to get something to eat.

 

That night, the FaceTime call lasts a good hour, most of it spent by Ralph trying to weasel his plans out of him, poking his bottom lip out in a pout when Jack refused. If he would was there, Jack would've bit that lip until Ralph yelped, then kissed him until neither of them could breathe as an apology. Or maybe he would just trace his thumb over that lip and smiled - Ralph was turning him soft.

When he hangs up, Jack checks the rest of his social medias, yawning and pulling out another cigarette. His mother hated when he smoked inside, but he could deal with that.

Charles has a new Snapchat story and Jack sighs as he opens it, preparing himself for another one of his ridiculous additions - _This new book is simply amazing!_ But what waits for him makes every stupid picture that he suffers through worth it. He's suddenly incredibly glad that he added most of Ralph's friends.

The picture is a blurry candid of Ralph and Simon. Both boys' faces are bright and excited, and Ralph is laughing, fingers curled into Simon's jumper. Jack quickly screenshots it, then goes and crops Simon out of the picture.

He loved that smile, wider and brighter than even the one Ralph gave him before he left. He loved how he could tell that Ralph is giggling uncontrollably, probably practically vibrating in excitement. 

Jack's mouth goes dry as a realization dawns on him - no. It doesn't dawn on him, that's too slow, too gentle. It hits him, like a truck barreling down a freeway, way over the speed limit. 

He quickly turns his phone off, staring at the ceiling.

He didn't just love individual things about Ralph. He didn't just find him stupidly cute.

Jack loves this boy. He loves him more than he's ever loved anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -stands on a mountain, throws arms out, screams to the heavens- HE LOVES HIM


	14. XIV

The Wednesday after Ralph comes back from Bristol, he comes back into his room after a shower to find Jack sitting on his bed.

Ralph gasps, dropping the towel he was using for his hair to grab at the one around his waist, covering his chest with his arm.

'Jesus - fuck, Jack!' Jack looks up and bites his lip.

'Your maid let me in - why do you have a actual fucking maid, by the way?'

'My dad doesn't know how to cook - could you maybe give me some warning? I could've not had a towel with me.' Jack stands and closes the door, then steps close, pulling his arm away.

'I certainly wouldn't complain.' He hums, mouthing at his collarbone. Ralph sighs as his hands set on his hips, pushing the towel apart slightly. A part of him wants to just drop it and let Jack do what he wants.

'How come you're here?' He murmurs, stepping around him to his dresser.

'What, I need an excuse to see my boyfriend now?' When Ralph drops the towel, Jack's hand presses to the small of his back, still and putting no pressure on him. He kisses his shoulder, other hand curling around him to rest on his stomach. 

'Of course not.' Jack is silent for a beat, and Ralph takes the opportunity to pull a pair of briefs on, then some jeans.

'My dad's in town.' He says finally, as Ralph is searching for a shirt. 'I kinda don't want to be around while he is.'

'How come?'

'We're too much alike. Which scares me - I don't want to be some power hungry lawyer who snaps up any case he can get - I don't want to be another shark.'

'You don't have to be. An asshole, sure, yeah. But you've already got that down to a T - '

'Nice,'

'- But if you haven't any interest in law, don't go into law.' When he' clothed, Jack pulls him to his chest and sets his chin on his shoulder. Ralph meets his gaze in the mirror hung over his dresser and smiles softly. 'If you'd like, you don't have to be a power-hungry anything. You'd just be a big jerk. My big jerk.'

'Yours?' Jack is fighting a smile - and losing.

'Mhm. You'll be my asshole boyfriend and I'll be your perfect and beautiful boyfriend.' Jack grins and kisses his neck, pulling him back.

'You already are.' He hums as he pulls him down with him onto his bed.

'I'm far from perfect.' Jack bites his earlobe, making him gasp.

'Then you're just my ridiculously pretty boyfriend.' Ralph slides off his lap, backing up to press his back to the wall. He smiles when Jack climbs over him, taking his face in his hands, fingertips sinking into his wet hair.

'Really?'

'Yup. I never want to stop looking at you.' Ralph had noticed something different in Jack - he was careful now, gentler now. Still too passionate and too handsy, yes, but there was something in his eyes that had changed over the week that Ralph had been gone. He doesn't know what it is, but he loves it.

'Then don't.' He leans up to press their foreheads together, interlocking his hands behind his neck, and Jack makes a strangled noise, pulling him for a kiss. Ralph hums into it, arching himself into him. Jack pulls back, holding him against him, and traces his thumb over his cheekbone.

'I wish you didn't go through all that trouble to get dressed.' He whispers. Ralph smiles and lets himself fall back onto his pillows.

'And why's that?'

'Because I really wanna get you undressed again.' Jack kisses the hollow of his throat, hand working between them to press the heel of his hand to Ralph's groin. He gasps, pressing his cheek to his hair - he couldn't remember a time when anyone touched him there, even himself. He nods, breath picking up.

'Okay.' He whispers, and Jack jerks back, looking at him.

'Seriously?' Ralph nods, biting his lip, and Jack grins, kissing him again. 'Are you sure, though? I don't want you to regret it.' He says as he pulls back, face serious. It just makes Ralph want to kiss him harder.

'I'm sure.'

'Cause if you regret your first time, you're gonna resent me for like, ever, and this is gonna crash and burn and I really don't - '

'I'm sure.' He whispers, sitting up under him.

He's just got his fingers around the hem of his shirt when there's the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, and they both freeze. Jack curses softly and sits back against the wall, jutting his jaw out in annoyance. Ralph climbs from the bed, unperturbed. It would be a neighbor, coming home from work. He'd wave from his window, and the neighbor would wave back, then he would-

'Fuck,' Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jack sit up, ' _fuck_. I forgot he worked until four - fuck!' Jack watches from his bed as he hurries to his closet, heaving his schoolbooks from the top shelf.

He's barely smoothed his hair down and opened his Maths book at a random page when his father knocks and opens the door.

'Ralph? What is this?' Ralph gives his father his practised I'm-totally-not-doing-anything-wrong smile and sits back, lifting his book.

'Jack's taking summer school - he practically flunked Maths,' He lowers his voice, like he was gossiping about someone, 'He only got a sixty-seven!' His father blinks, then nods bruesquely.

'Oh. Alright. I'd suggest you call up Charles, too. He's good at that sort of thing, right?'

'Right.' Out of view of his father, Jack touches his thigh, leans closer. 

'Well, I'll let you get to it. I was just wondering if you wanted to order something tonight. I let Elena off early.'

'Could Jack stay for supper?' Ralph smiles when he feels Jack's fingers press to his thigh. His father shrugs, then nods, closing the door. They sit in silence as they listen to the man descend the stairs, and Jack kisses his shoulder.

'M'kay.' He pushes his book off his lap, and Jack pulls back.

'I don't want to stay for supper.'

'I thought you didn't want to go home?' He smiles innocently, and Jack purses his lips.

'I think you're just as much as my asshole boyfriend as I am yours.' He hums, kissing his throat as he starts to unbuckle his belt. Ralph pushes his hands away and frowns.

'We can't... Do it now - I haven't told my father. He can walk in at any minute.'

'So?'

'I really don't want to have that conversation with my father when he just walked in on us shagging for the first time.' Jack heaves a sigh and sits back, crosssing his arms across his chest. Ralph smiles and kisses his cheek.

'I'll make it up to you, promise.' He takes his hand and scoots back with Jack until their back are to the wall.

'You better.' He kisses his shoulder, then they both stare at the ceiling in silence, running their fingers over the backs of each others' hands as if they haven't already memorized the way their hands mild together. Or each others' hands in general.

Ralph leans into him and breaks the silence.

'Maybe I should meet your parents. I've never even been to your place - we could do it tomorrow. I could meet your parents and see your house. Kill two birds with one stone.' Jack frowns at him, then speaks after a long silence, squeezing his hand.

'We'll see.' 


	15. XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> third date!!! u know what that means --- don't put out until the third date kiddos
> 
> (lmao im kiddin put out whenever tf u want)

Jack can't figure out why Ralph is hellbent on finding out his address.

'I can just come to you, y'know.' He sighs into the phone, shifting uncomfortably on his bed. He's currently locked in his room, desperately avoiding his father. Every time he came into town, his mother would take the weekend off, and they would spend the entire time dancing between hating each other and two seconds away from banging on the nearest surface. It was gross. Ralph hums in his ear, and laughs quietly.

'I don't care where you live. I just... I wanna see your room. I wanna do more things with you that don't involve making out on my bed.'

'I like your bed.'

'I do, too. But... I wanna meet your parents. I know your dad is in town.' As if his parents heard him, something breaks in the front room and Jack winces, sitting up, holding his phone between his shoulder and ear as he picks up a hoodie from his floor, sniffs it.

'You wanna do something tonight then?'

'Can I pay?' Jack sighs and closes his eyes, glancing at the clock.

'Fine.' Ralph hums again, and his voice seems closer, quieter.

'Can I pick you up?'

'Ralph,'

'Please?' Jack sighs. He must know that he can't say no to him. He crumbles, and gives him his address.

 

When there's a knock at the door, Jack's father moves to answer, and Jack practically springs from his seat, smiling nervously.

'I can get it.' He feels the man staring at him, an uncomfortable heat between his shoulder blades, and opens the door. Ralph is looking up at his house, narrow and one story, so different than his own, but looks back to him and smiles, taking his hand and pulling him in for a kiss.

'Hey, love.' Jack smiles, tightly, glancing over his shoulder.

'Um - hi. You... You wanna come in?' He says it more as a courtesy than anything else, and his stomach sinks when Ralph smiles broadly and nods, squeezing his hand. Jack opens the door wider, letting Ralph walk in, looking around the front room and cramped kitchen. His eyes meet his fathers' when the man stands, setting his drink down. He smiles broadly and Jack watches nervously as he holds his hand out.

'Hi,' He says breathlessly, and his father grunts, 'I'm Jack's friend, Ralph.' Jack is thankful that he doesn't say boyfriend. His father nods once, then sits back down. Jack steps forward, tugs at his hand.

'You can meet my mom later, 'kay?' Ralph bites his lip, then nods, 'She wouldn't be at her best right now, anyways.'

 

Out on the stoop, Jack bends over him and kisses him, hands on his cheeks. Ralph hums into the kiss, pulling him down into him, fingers twisting into the baby hairs at the base of his neck.

'So what's the plan, baby?' Jack murmurs when they pull apart, still hunched over, his arm wrapped across his shoulders, one hand clasping the empty air and the other supporting Ralph's back.

'What're you in the mood for?'

'Hm. You. Kissing.' Jack lets him up, and Ralph kisses his top lip, going backwards down the two steps, the height difference becoming even more drastic.

'We can kiss anytime. What do you want to do?'

'Uh - fuck, baby, I dunno. As long as you'll be there I don't care what we do.' Ralph tugs him down and takes his hand, tugging him down the steps.

 

They end up in one of those double decker buses, sitting at the front of the bus. Ralph acts like he's never been on a bus, pulling his knees to his chest and setting his chin on his knees and staring out the front window. Jack doesn't look away from him, and squeezes his hand.

 _I love you._ He hasn't worked up the courage to say it aloud yet, but it's there, a thick ball sitting in the middle of his chest. Ralph looks to him, smiling broadly, and he almost says it, blurts in the middle of the bus, surrounded by asleep homeless people and college students with their earbuds in. Instead, he leans in and kisses his temple, pulling him to his side.

  
The bus terminal is by a McDonald's, so they buy supper from there, sharing chips and splitting a burger.

'Do people actually eat this?' Ralph asks, sniffing the thin patty. Jack smiles around a chip, raising a brow.

'Surely you've had McDonald's before.'

'When I was, like, five, sure.' Ralph wrinkles his nose and sets his half down, pushing the paper wrapper towards Jack, who snorts and wraps it up, holding out the container of chips.

'You're such a spoiled brat sometimes.' He murmurs, and Ralph's eyes go round. For a second, he thinks he might've upset him, and an apology is on his tongue when he leans across the table, smiling coyly as he traces his foot up his calf.

'That so?' Jack flushes and bites his lip.

'Y-yeah.'

'Hm. Alright.' The toe of Ralph's shoe just brushes his groin when he sits back, tucking his feet under the chair. Jack knows this because he not-so-subtly looks under the table in dismay, holding back a whine. Ralph takes a chip and smiles across at him innocently when he reaches across the table, tugging at the edge of his sleeve. 'Now who's the spoiled brat?' He teases, and Jack wants to press him up against the wall right then and there, kiss him until that adorable smile is stuck on his lips.

 

'Today was fun. I like doing stuff with you. Going places. Even if it is just a bus and a shitty restaurant.' Jack laughs softly, pushing his hands into his pockets when they reach Ralph's place. The house is dark.

'Goodnight.' He says as Ralph digs through his pocket. The blond pauses, looking up at the house. He bites his lip and holds his hand out.

'You wanna come in? My dad's out of town.'

 

They're on Ralph's bed, Jack straddling him. They're kissing, the kiss greedy and all pushing and pulling against each other. Jack touches each part of his body, tracing his fingers over his skin through his clothes. Ralph hums into his mouth, slinging an arm across his neck and pulling him down into him when he touches his ribs, running his fingertips down the length of his ribcage, making him shiver under him. Jack smiles, breaking the kiss to kiss his neck, sliding his hand down his thigh.

'Jack,' Ralph whispers, and his arm across his neck is the only thing keeping Jack from sliding down his body. He hums in reply, teasing his fingertips across the inside of his thigh. Ralph sighs and arches into his touch, opening his thighs as he whispers his name again, kissing his hair. Jack hums in reply again, tracing his thumb along the seam of his jeans as he cups his groin. Ralph shivers and tugs him back to kiss him.

'Not tonight.' He whispers, grasping his wrist. Jack pulls back to look at him, frowning.

'But you...' He swallows, pushing the frown away, 'I mean, of course. I'll wait for you. To be ready.'

'Thank you.' Jack rolls off him, and Ralph immediately rolls into his side, taking his hand and tucking his face into his neck, kissing his pulse. 'I know it's frustrating.'

'It isn't the end of the world. It's just sex.'

'You sure? I don't want you to like... Resent me or anything.' Jack laughs at that, gently pushing him back to look at him, looking over his face.

'You make me feel a lot of things,' He murmurs, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone, 'But you could never make me resent you.' Ralph hums and smiles, small and soft.

'But... You're sure?' Ralph repeats, making Jack grin and climbs on top of him, pulling him into a kiss and pushing his hair from his forehead.

'I'm sure, baby.' Ralph smiles and rolls them over, resting his cheek on his collarbone.

'You can sleep here, if you don't wanna go home.' He murmurs, kissing the hollow of his collarbone, tracing his fingers over the bone. Jack hums, kisses the top of his head.

_You're my home.  
I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO S I K E


	16. XVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another Filler Chapter™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK  
> back again
> 
> simon's back  
> tell a friend

'Have you given it up yet?' Ralph sits with Charlie at the train station, waiting patiently for Simon's train to pull up.

'Given up what?' Ralph asks, fingering the tear in his jeans. This was an old pair - his last clean pair, too.

'You know what I mean.' Ralph sighs and rests his head on the wall.

'No. We haven't shagged yet.'

'He'll get bored, y'know.'

'I know.'

'And I know how you feel about him. You wouldn't want him to get bored. And _I_  wouldn't want him to get bored.'

'We almost did it. The other night. But my dad came home before we could do anything. And he wanted to, a couple nights ago. When my dad was out of town.'

'And?'

'And I wasn't ready. I'm kind of glad we didn't do anything that night. I thought I was ready. Maybe I was.' He shrugs, tugging at the frayed edge of the rip. Charlie is looking at him - he can feel his intense gaze boring into his cheek.

'What changed?'

'Nothing! He's sweet. He's really - God, you know how I feel about him. I just - I wasn't really thinking that night.'

'You sure? I don't want to pick up the pieces when he breaks it off because you won't sleep with him.'

'You won't be. He said he'll wait. That it wasn't important.'

'He's Merridew. Sex and drugs are the only thing he cares about.' Ralph bites his nails, about to reply, when the train pulls into the station. They stand, and passengers pile off.

First, Simon's mum delicately steps down, toting her bag, and then Simon jumps down after her, huge headphones hanging around his neck, looking like he had just woken up - he probably had taken a nap on the train ride. His eyes land on his friends, and he grins, knocking into them, one arm around each of their necks, pulling them into a tight hug.  
He's quivering like an over-excited Chihuahua, bouncing in place when he pulls back.

'Gods, look at you two.' He grins, touching their cheeks and shaking his head. Ralph glances at Charlie - he's blushing, his usual ruddy cheeks darkening. Ralph presses back a smile and turns to Simon.

'You saw us last week.' He squeezes Simon's hand, 'And I heard that even less time has passed since you two have seen each other.' It's Simon's turn to flush, glancing at Charlie and tucking a piece of hair behind his ear.

'We weren't...'

'I don't care what you two do, man.' He says, turning to pick up Simon's bag. Charlie practically dives for it, taking it from his hand with a shy smile. Ralph bites his lip and follows them when they trail after Simon's mum.

 

'How long has this been going on?' They sit in a restaurant near the train station, Charlie and Simon in one booth and Ralph across them in the other. Simon's mum had gone on to meet the movers at their new house, so they're alone. Charlie flushes darker as Ralph calmly swipes a chip through the pile of ketchup.

'Nothing's going on.' He mumbles, barely heard over the usual noise of a restaurant. Both boys look to him, and Simon bites his lip, whispers something in his ear, and, impossibly, Charlie flushes darker. 'Maybe. Something is going on.' Simon tries not to smile, looking at him fondly.

'About a week.' He tears his gaze away from Charlie to smile at Ralph, playing with his fingers. Ralph hums, taking a sip of his drink. Simon looked happy - happier than he ever looked when seeing his projects - and, under the blush, Charlie looked happy too.

'Okay.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also some siggy bc its v import
> 
> (also i might do another part of this but it's focused on siggy)


	17. XVII

Ralph is woken up at 3 in the morning by a clatter on his window. He groans, sits up and squints in the direction of the noise. There's another clatter, then a quick succession of two louder ones. He sighs, pushing his covers free and turning on his lamp, squinting out the window. Out in the tree by his window is Jack, holding a handful of rocks. He grins when Ralph unlocks his window, biting his lip.

'Jack?' The other boy drops his handful and edges along the limb he's perched on. Ralph curses and leans out, grabbing for him, 'Jesus, you're gonna kill yourself.' He whispers, pulling him through into his room, glancing over his shoulder. Jack clambers in and wraps his arms around him, pushing his face in his neck.

'Fuck,'

'You okay?' Ralph whispers, closing his window again. Jack nods, kisses his neck before pulling back.

'I'm fuckin' amazing. My dad just left.'

'At 3:20 in the morning?'

'Yeah.'

'I thought he was supposed to stay until next week.'

'He was. But he just... Left for the airport, about twenty minutes ago.'

'Did you walk here?' Ralph notices that he's in pajama pants and a loose tank top and nothing else. Not even shoes.

'Yeah.' Jack repeats, pressing his forehead to his hair.

'Your feet - they must hurt.' Ralph tugs him close and takes a step back towards his bed, turning his light off - if his father caught them, he'd have way too much explaining to do.

''s no biggie. I walked on lawns, mostly.' Ralph sits down on his bed, pulling Jack down with him, pressing their cheeks together.

'You couldn't have waited until morning?'

'Had to see you. I've been a dick recently.' Jack breathes, tangling his hand in his hair.

'Nah. You were fine. I didn't even notice the difference.'

'You saying I'm a dick all the time?' It comes out in a playful growl, and Ralph presses back a shudder as he fists his hand into his hair and nods, grinning into his cheek.

'Yeah,' He traces his fingers over the arch of his foot and bites his lip, 'Your feet are freezing, love.'

'Mhm - could I maybe warm them up, then?' Ralph hums, pulling back.

'Why should I let you into my bed? I shouldn't even be letting you into my room, asshole.' Jack whines, pulling at his shirt, pushing his face to his neck.

'Because I lo-' Ralph perks up, turning his face towards his head, holding his breath. Jack swallows and shifts closer, kissing his ear, 'Because I'm yours. I'm your asshole.' Ralph wants to prod him further, knows what he was about to say. But hearing those words scared him beyond belief, and he was glad Jack hasn't said them yet. He kisses his cheekbone and lies back, holding him up with a hand planted on his chest.

'You are?'

'Mhm. All fuckin' yours, babe.' Jack takes his hand and kisses his palm, flattening his fingers out and nibbling at one.

'Prove it.' Ralph whispers, breath catching when Jack smiles down at him. Jack straddles him, and sits back, thinking for a moment.

'I could show you something.' Ralph nods, and Jack reaches over to turn the lamp on again before taking off his tank top in one movement, dropping it to the side. Ralph makes a noise in the back of his throat that makes him flush, and Jack grins down at him, taking his hand and pushing his hand over his heart. 'You feel that?' He breathes, leaning down. Ralph nods, eyes fixed on his hand. His heart was beating quick and hard against his palm, and Ralph swallows, pressing his fingertips to his hot skin. 'That's yours, baby.'

'Really?' Ralph looks to him, trying not to smile. Jack nods, brushing his hair from his face. 'Can... Can I show you something?' Saying that Jack's eyes light up would be an understatement, and he nods, backing away, letting Ralph's hand fall to his lap. Ralph takes his hand and brings it under his shirt, pressing it to where his heart hammers against his rib cage. 'I don't... I don't want to show you just yet, but this is yours.' Jack's fingers curl into his flesh painfully, and he curves into it, whimpering softly.

'Let's get some sleep, baby.' He whispers, rolling off him onto his back, his hand still up his shirt. Ralph turns towards him and pulls the covers up over them, pressing his face to his hair. He closes his eyes, forgetting about the slip of Jack's tongue when the light goes off.

  
Silence stretches into a comfortable length, and Ralph is just falling asleep when Jack shifts and swallows. He wants to groan and push at him, get on his case from shaking him out of his doze when Jack speaks softly, pushing his nose into his hair.

'I love you.' It hangs heavy in the air, and Ralph swallows, reaching for his hand. When he squeezes his hand, Jack makes a choked sound that sounds halfway between relieved and pained.

 

The next morning, Ralph wakes up to an empty bed. Jack is pulling his shirt back on, and looks back to him when he stirs, smiling with no visible strain. He reaches back down and brushes his hair from his face.

'God, you're adorable in the mornings.' He whispers, and Ralph smiles up at him, rolling onto his side.

'About last night.' Jack's smile falters for a second, and he sits down. Ralph looks at a tattoo on the back of his neck and swallows. Why hadn't he noticed that one before? 'I'm sorry that I didn't... It's just...'

'You don't need to explain. I get it.' Ralph swallows, and he hopes to all higher powers that Jack knew he felt the same. That he didn't say it back because he just wasn't ready, not because he didn't love him back. He tugs at his arm and pulls him into a kiss, pressing up into it, as if that would transfer all unsaid things between them. Jack hums into it, threading his fingers through his hair.

'I gotta go, baby.' Ralph nods, looking to his alarm clock. His father would be waking up soon.

'Okay.' Jack opens the window, and has one foot out when Ralph stands, biting his lip. 'I'll tell my dad today.' Jack looks to him, eyes bright. He looks to the floor and blinks hard, then looks back up.

'C'mere.' Ralph crosses over to the window, and Jack pulls him in for a hard kiss, hands on his cheeks. When he pulls back, Jack pushes their foreheads together. 'I love you so fucking much, Ralph. So fucking much.' With that, he ducks out the window, leaving Ralph to stand by the window. He watches Jack climb the fence, and belatedly remembers his bare feet, biting his lip. Before he can reach for his phone and call him back, drive him home, there's a knock at his door, and he hurridedly sits, calling out. 

'Come in.' His father opens the door and crosses his arms, frowning at the open window. Ralph curses under his breath - he should've closed it.

'I heard voices last night. Was someone in your room?' Despite his promise, a lie springs to Raloh's tongue and he looks away.

'Yes.' He says, unable to look at his father's I'm So Disappointed In You look. His father grunts in surprise at his honesty and takes a step into his room.

'A girl?'

'No,' A pause. Then, 'A boy.'

'Oh?'

'Jack. You met him.'

'And are you... Seeing Jack?' Ralph nods, looking to his father, preparing for anger, or disappointment, or any other emotion. Instead, he nods once, looks around the room.

'When he's around, no closed doors, understood?'

'Yes sir.'

'And clean your room. It's a mess.' With that, he closes the door and leaves Ralph alone. He looks at his lap and bites his lip.

Those three words weigh heavy on his tongue, and he swallows, hand hovering over the phone. He tucks his hand under his arm and swallows. Saying it over the phone didn't seem right, so he hurriedly stands and closes the window, redoing the latch. He closes his eyes and sighs, resting his forehead against the pane of glass.


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think??? this is the last filler??? don't quote me on that tho bc im an unreliable source
> 
> this is short but it's my birthday so u can't say anything bad abt it thanks

Whenever Jack thinks about the night before, his stomach starts squeezing in on itself, and he wants to crawl into some hole and die.

He should'nt have said it. He had opened his chest for Ralph, lain with his belly showing, and Ralph had ripped his heart out with a pitying smile.

'It's never a good idea to fall for boys like that.' Roger pipes from his bed, cigarette smoke heavy in the air around him. Jack heaves a sigh and rips his head back to rest on the mattress, turning his hand away so he can stop staring at Ralph's contact page, stop contemplating whether or not he should call him. Or delete his number.

He turns his hand away so he can stop staring at the picture that Ralph had taken of himself one day when they were tangled together on his sofa, eating popcorn and watching a movie.

'At least he said he'd come out to his dad. That's a step, right?'

'And you believe him?' Jack twists to glare up at him, and he puts his hands up in surrender, 'I'm just saying.'

'Just because Simon lied doesn't mean that Ralph did.' Roger snorts and leans forward, taking a drag of his cigarette.

'They're best friends for a reason, Merridew.'

 

-xXx-

 

Jack can't stop thinking about what Roger said, even after he's long gone.

It clings in the air like the remnants of his smoke, clings to his clothes. Sticks to his mouth.

Unable to stand it, Jack calls Ralph. He picks up on the second ring.

'Hey, love.' He answers, tone easy. Jack imagines him lounging by one of his friends' pool, unconcerned about the dilemma he had thrown him into.

'Fuck,' He whispers, then, 'Uh. Hi.'

'Everything alright?'

'Uh. Yeah - I just... Needed to hear your voice.' Ralph laughs on the other end, and it's almost enough to make everything okay. Jack knew that if he told him about these insecurities, he'd be there in a minute to kiss them away. He'd probably say it back, if Jack begged well enough. If he said it enough. Jack knew that he'd do anything to keep him happy. Was that love?

'Any requests on what to hear, then?' He teases, and Jack knows he's biting his lip.

'Uhh...' _Say you love me,_ 'What're you doing?'

'Which version do you want? The I'm An Insanely Cool Person version or the real life version?'

'Real life.'

'I'm lying on my rug eating a grilled cheese sandwich, because I'm not supposed to eat on the sofa. Technically, I'm not supposed to eat on the rug either, I guess.' Jack forces himself to laugh.

'I don't even want to hear your cool version, because that already sounds way too awesome to handle.' Ralph hums and sighs quietly.

'I miss you already.' He murmurs, and Jack can't breathe.

'We saw each other this morning.'

'I know, but... It's weird, talking like this, over the phone. Not being able to touch you.'

'I know.'

'You do know I... You mean a lot to me, y'know? So much.' He can't even say two words. It's all Jack can do not to hang up on him right then and there.

Even if it had taken him way too much time to work up the courage to tell him himself.

'I know.' He says, finally, and then, 'I love you.' He says it in a way that he's throwing it at him. _See Ralph? I can do it. It isn't that hard._

Ralph makes a small noise, and whispers into the phone.

'Wait one second,' There's the sound of a door opening and closing, then his voice echoes more when he speaks again, 'okay. Say it again.'

'I love you.' Ralph laughs nervously, whispers it under his breath. It's incredible to hear, even though it's barely there.

'Um. Yes. Okay. Awesome - I l-'

'Don't say it over the phone.' He says suddenly. Ralph swallows and is silent. Maybe he nods. 'Not for the first time. I want to be there. I want to touch you.'

'Oh. Yeah, of course. Um. I'm busy this weekend, I can't -'

'That's okay.' Jack says quickly, biting his knuckle. He felt insanely better now that he knew that Ralph was at least thinking about it. Saying it back.

'Okay. Call me tonight? Please?'

'Of course.' Jack turns his face into the phone, bites his lip. 'Ralph?'

'Mhm?'

'Would it be okay with you if we finally... You know? When you do?' Ralph is silent for a long time, and Jack waits, unable to breathe.

'Okay. Yes. Mhm - that'd be - that'd be... Incredible, actually.' Ralph laughs nervously, and Jack closes his eyes, grinning in relief.

'Okay. I love you so fucking much.'


	19. XIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i felt bad that the last chapter was so short so... Wow
> 
> (there r some headcanons mentioned at the end that i... love with all my heart???)

Jack hadn't expected to hear from Ralph that weekend.

But here he is, on Saturday night, searching through his bed sheets to find his phone, because he can hear the custom ringtone that Ralph insisted he had put, ringing out proudly. He answers on the last ring before it would go to voicemail, falling onto the bed.

'Ralph?'

'Oh thank fuck,' There's a sound of talking and laughing in the background, 'If you didn't answer, I think I might've exploded with all of this.'

'All of what?'

'My dad threw me a party - or himself a party. To show all his work friends that  _Hey! My son is bisexual and I still love and support him, make me CEO of your company!_ Also - If I don't say... That, I'm gonna fuckin' burst. Y'know?'

'I know.'

'I want you to know how much I... feel for you. It's so much, Jack. God - it's so fuckin' much. It kinda scares me.'

'I know.' _God, is that all you can say?_ First, Jack wanted him to say it, then he didn't want him to say it, and now he's being some idiot who can't even muster a proper sentence, and here is Ralph, wonderful, amazing Ralph who was wasting his time and his love on him for God knows what reason why, pouring himself out as best he can with the restrictions Jack had set on him.

'Can't I just say it?' Ralph whispers, voice hoarse.

'I don't want it to be over the phone, y'know? I fucked up in saying it, but that doesn't mean you have to, too.' He replies, and Ralph makes a noise that makes him want to take it all back. More importantly, makes him want to go over to his house and press him into that comfortable bed of his and unravel him until all he can do is make noises like that. He presses his hand to his stomach and bites his lip. 'Can you sneak away?'

'It's a party for me, baby. I could barely get away to call you.'

'Can I come over?'

'Will you behave?'

'No.' He whispers, and Ralph whimpers.

'Just... Hold on, okay? The party is over at 10. I can probably get out at 11.' Jack glances at the time and groans. 3 hours until he could see Ralph. Until he could press his hands into his skin and see him all spread out for him, finally see him bare like he's thought about since who knows how long. 3 hours until he could whisper these three words into his skin over and over, hear him say it back.

 

These next 3 hours couldn't pass by more slowly.

 

Jack lights a cigarette and takes a slow drag, glancing at the time again. Only an hour had passed, and he heaves a sigh, pushing his face into his arm and pressing the heel of his hand into the crotch of his jeans in an attempt to stop his half-erection from getting any worse. A moment passes, and he half-sits up, looking around his room for any distractions. He wished he had some books that weren't horribly boring and that he had to read for school - copies of classic novels he had taken and just never bothered returning.  
He gets up, pacing around his room, then around the house, hand on his phone, sitting silently in his pocket.

 

He's lost count of cigarettes he's smoked by the time his phone buzzes, but all he knows is he had to dig another pack out from his dwindling stash.

 

> _I'm on my way. Sorry it took a little longer._

Jack hadn't noticed, but it's half-past 11. He sits down and types out a quick reply, glad he hadn't lit the next cigarette.

 

> _Alright  
>  _ _It's no problem._
> 
> _You sure?_
> 
> _Yes._
> 
> _Okay.  
>  You want something to eat?_

-xXx-

 

 

Ralph knocks on the door another thirty minutes later, holding a fast food bag in one hand and his phone in the other. He beams when Jack opens the door, offering him the bag.

'I thought fast food wasn't your thing.' It's all he can do to not drop the bag and pull him against him, kiss him hard and kiss him long.

'It isn't.' Ralph reaches up and touches his cheek, biting his lip. Jack steps forward and lets himself push his face to the crook of his neck, breathing him in. He smells like a fast food restaurant, the smell of grease clinging to his clothes, but under that is his cologne and the smell of better tasting, better for you food, and he had almost forgotten that he had come from a fancy rich person party.

'Y'know, it really isn't my thing, either.'

'I was gonna bring leftovers, but I couldn't get down to the kitchen without my dad cornering me and giving me another drunken speech.'

'At least he took it well.' He murmurs, drawing him close. The paper bag squishes between them, but Jack is beyond caring.

'Yeah. Shame he knows about us though. All those lazy morning snogs... Gone. And those afternoon snogs. So many snogs.' He murmurs, and Jack grins into his neck.

'Just come over here.'

'Hm. That reminds me - show me your room?'

 

They leave the food in the main room with a note for his mother that told her to eat it for him, and Ralph takes his hand, tugging at his arm and biting his lip. Jack hums and kisses his throat, placing his hands on his hips and herding him down the hall and into his bedroom. When the door closes behind them, Ralph pulls away to look around his room. Jack leans on the door, watching him in silence as he looks at the posters stuck up on the walls, and he suddenly wishes he has more personal things out and not tucked away in his closet as he watches Ralph smile fondly at the single picture of himself that he had out.

'I have more, if you want to see them.' He says when Ralph turns to him, that smile lingering. He bites his lip, eyes darting to the bed for a second, then he bites his lip and nods.

 

They sit on his bed, unfortunately still completely closed. Ralph has the box of pictures he hid in his closet in his lap, looking through each one carefully. Jack kisses along his pulse and grips his arm.

'You're so cute, look at your little gap tooth!'

'I still have a gap tooth.'

'I know,' Ralph turns his cheek towards him, presses himself against him, 'I love it.'

'Anything else you love?'

'This picture.' He giggles, lifting one of them. Jack glances at it, and smiles against his neck, 'How old were you?'

'Uh... Twelve.'

'You were in Boy Scouts when you were twelve?' Ralph laughs quietly, and Jack hums, running his hands down his thighs, tugging at his shirt.

'I stopped when I was fourteen.'

'No way. I can't believe that I'm dating you, nerd.'

'Oh yeah?' Jack takes the picture from his hands and replaces it in the box, pushing the box off his lap and pressing him back against the wall.

'Yeah.' Ralph murmurs, moving up the bed to sit against the headboard. Jack runs his hands down his legs, situating himself between them. 'But... I love you in all your nerdiness.' Jack grins, kissing him slowly.

'Say it again, sweet boy.' He noses along his jaw, hands fisting into his shirt. 'I love you so fucking much, baby, I'll do anything for you.' Ralph pushes his face into his hair, grabbing at his arms, his voice needy and desperate when he replies.

'I love you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLD ONTO UR BUTTS BC!!! GOOD!!! SHIT!!! IS!!! COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> (nd thats not the only thing that'll be coming ;) )


	20. XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3k words of soft nd slow sex nd cuddling and it is... So Good 
> 
> i have been resurrected

'Can I take your shirt off?'

Jack murmurs it into the crook of Ralph's neck, pressing as close as he can. He tugs at the garment in question, sitting back to look at him. Ralph nods, already looking half-wrecked, his neck covered in faint hickeys that Jack had lazily sucked into his skin. Jack kisses one, working the cotton up slowly.

'Just,' Jack stops, expects him to say something like  _I'm not ready to go too far yet._ He bites his lip and toys with the hem, 'I can't... I can't sleep over, after. I want to. But my dad'll already be annoyed I went out this late. We can still...'

'Shag?' Jack offers, smiling gently. Ralph flushes, another one of his full-body blushes, and Jack can't wait to be able to see how far down it goes.

'Yeah,' He whispers breathlessly, leaning up into him, raising his arms for him. Jack grins and slowly rolls the shirt up, leaning down to kiss the flushed skin he exposes. Ralph whines quietly, lowering his arms, and Jack hurriedly pulls the shirt off the rest of the way before he loses his shot. He throws it away without looking away and leans back, looking over him. He traces a finger down his sternum, making Ralph shiver, and he smiles, kissing him quickly.

'Better than I imagined.' He whispers, and Ralph whines, bending under his hands.

'You thought about what I looked like?'

'Of course I did. I've wanted to do this ever since you kissed me in the theater.'

'God - ' Ralph sobs out, shivering as he runs his fingers over his ribs, ' - Why'd I make you wait so long?'

'I dunno,' Jack hums, mouthing at his shoulder, 'But I do know that it's happening now, and you're so fucking gorgeous. And so fucking sensitive.' He snickers, and Ralph laughs breathlessly, head falling to his shoulder. Jack tugs him close and runs his fingers down his spine lazily as he pushes his cheek into his hair. 'I wanna fuckin' memorize every bit of you, Ralph.'

'What's stopping you?'

 

Ralph has moved further down the bed to lie down, cheeks seemingly tinged pink permanently. Jack doesn't mind. He straddles him, still fully clothed, tracing his fingers over the moles that spatter his torso lazily. Ralph's eyes are closed, and he sighs in content. Jack pauses and he opens one eye, biting his lip.

'Can I see you?' He whispers, and Jack nods without hesitation, pulling his shirt over his head. Ralph lifts onto his elbows and looks over his bared torso, a soft smile curling at his lips. He sets his hands, fingers splayed wide, over his hip bones, then slides his hands up his stomach slowly, fingers pushed firmly into his skin. Jack watches him through his lashes, studying his calm expression as he mindlessly runs his fingers through his hair. Ralph stops and shivers, eyes closing as he leans into his hand.

'That feels nice.' He murmurs, and Jack smiles, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

'Yeah?' Ralph hums an affirmative and pulls him down with him, cupping his face. Jack smiles and kisses his temple, fingers tracing over his hairline. 'You're so fuckin' beautiful.'

'You are, too.'

'No 'm not.' He murmurs into his skin, tugging at his belt. Ralph hums and lifts his hips off the bed.

'No, I guess not,' He whispers, laughing softly. Jack chuckles and kisses down the side of his face, 'I still love you, though.' Jack tugs at his belt again, a silent question. Ralph nods and helps him unbuckle it, letting it drop by the bed. Jack works his jeans down his hips, leaving him in his briefs, then pulls away to look at him again. Ralph bends his legs at the knee, pulling them up to press them to Jack's waist, and his long fingers press over them, his thumbs rubbing at the backs of his knees.

'Wow,' He murmurs, eyes trailing over his body adoringly, 'I never thought I'd have someone this pretty spread out for me like this.' Ralph hums, rolling his hips into the air as an invitation. Jack stills his movement by pressing a hand over his growing erection, leaning over him to kiss him firmly. 'You gettin' all hot and bothered, baby?' Ralph curses quietly into the kiss and nods, hips pressing into his hand.

'I won't last.' He whispers, and Jack hums, 'I told you, I've never...'

'I know, baby. It's okay. We have time.' Ralph nods, tugging him down close and pressing his cheek to his hair, rolling his hips up into his hand slowly. He whimpers, softly, and Jack hums, nosing along his jaw. 'Let's get these off you before anything else.' Ralph nods and lifts his hips from the bed, letting him pull his briefs down. Jack resists the desire to pull back and look at him now that he's naked beneath him, and instead reaches between them to take care of the rest of his own clothing.

Ralph hums when he realizes what he's doing, helping him push his jeans down his legs, biting his lip as they drop to the floor. His hands press over his rear and Jack pulls back enough to look him in the eye, smoothing the hair from his face.

'You sure you're ready?' He whispers, and Ralph nods, working his fingers under the elastic of his briefs.

'I'm sure.' He replies, equally as quiet, as he tugs his briefs down, glancing down the limited space between their bodies as he does. Jack hums, brushes the tips of his fingers over the curves of his ears, down his jaw. Ralph meets his eyes and slides his leg up between his to press against his groin. Jack groans quietly, pulling him up into a long kiss, burying his fingers in his hair.

'Tease.' He whispers, biting at his lip, and Ralph hums, smiling as best he can with his lip caught between Jack's teeth.

'What're you gonna do about it?' Ralph mumbles in reply. Jack releases his lip and leans back, finally looking at Ralph's entire body with a soft smile. Ralph moves back up to press against the headboard again, tugging him down close.

'What do you want me to do, baby?'

'Anything. I've never been this hard in my life.' He murmurs, kissing along his cheekbones. Jack kisses his temple and reaches between them, palming at him slowly.

'I know, baby. I'll take care of you.' He whispers, and Ralph nods eagerly, mouth dropping open in a soft moan as he grabs at his hair and grinds up into his hand sloppily. Jack grins, stooping to kiss his collarbone as he circles his hand around him, stroking him slowly. Ralph shudders against him, tugging at his hair. Jack hums, glancing down at his work, swiping his thumb over the head. It makes Ralph moan out loudly, and Jack grins, kissing his neck. 'That feel good, pretty boy?' He whispers, repeating the action. Ralph curses and nods, one of his hands dropping to his back.

'God - what does it feel like to come?' He whispers. Jack shrugs, pausing.

'You think you're gonna come soon?'

'I dunno. Don't stop.' He whispers, and Jack obliges, working over his length briskly, smiling softly as he kisses along his neck. Ralph sobs out, hips twitching up sloppily. 'Oh m- fuckfuckfuck _fuck!_ '

'You need me to stop?'

'Don't you - _fuck_ \- dare.' Ralph grabs at his arm and groans loudly as he spills into Jack's hand, falling against him as he does. Jack works him down with soft words, mouthing at his cheek. Ralph whines and pushes his hand away, and Jack wipes his hand clean, letting Ralph catch his breath, rolling them over. Ralph rests his temple against his shoulder and sighs, fingers tight over his ribs.

'Is that what it's always like?'

'Sometimes it's crummy.' Ralph kisses his shoulder and laughs loosely.

'I dunno if I like it, to be honest.'

'We don't have to - '

'I like it when you do the things leading up to it,' Ralph says quickly, 'It feels really nice. And you look nice when you do it.'

'I look nice?' Jack laughs and pushes him back to look him in the eye, smiling up at him.

'Yeah. All soft and shit.' He murmurs, looking down. 'I made a mess of you.' He laughs, and Jack glances down at the come splattered on his stomach. He shrugs, wipes it off.

'No biggie,' He murmurs, noting how intently Ralph watches as he sucks his fingers clean, 'I'll be making a bigger mess of you by the time I'm done with you.' Ralph shivers at those words and smiles coyly, taking his wrist and kissing his fingertips.

'Really?' Jack nods, and Ralph hums, sucking at his fingertips. His cock twitches at the sight, and Ralph must feel it, since his smile widens as he lifts his rear away, leaning over him. 'How about you show me?' Jack grins and rolls them over again, much to Ralph's dismay as he whines quietly, wrapping his legs around his waist.

'I liked being on top.' He whispers, and Jack laughs, laying his hand on his forehead and slowly pushing his hair back.

'Another time, baby.' He murmurs, then leans over to his bedside table, retrieving his bottle  of lube. 'Just lemme do this for you.'

'What about you?'

'I've already had my first. I wanna make yours good.' Ralph sighs and bends up into him. Jack kisses him quickly before leaning back, looking him over carefully. Ralph bites his lip and arches off the bed, whining impatiently.

'Ralph,' He whines again, and Jack plants a hand on his chest, pushing him back to the bed, 'Relax.'

'Then just get on with it.' He whines, running his fingers over his hand. Jack hesitantly lets his hand up, then squirts some lube into his palm, warming it without looking away.

'I will.'

 

'Lift your hips for me.' Ralph does as he's told, giving his hips a teasing wiggle. Jack hums and pushes the warmed lube over his fingers before tugging him closer. He rests one fingertip against Ralph's entrance, meeting his eye.

'Ready?' Ralph nods breathlessly and angles his hips higher into the air. Jack places one hand on his rear and presses a kiss to his knee as he eases the finger in slowly, working past the tight ring of muscle. Ralph moans, the sound high and faltering, knees already shaking. Jack pauses, looks to his face.

'You good?' He murmurs, and Ralph nods, eyes screwed shut, 'Look at me. Watch me.' Ralph does, flushing as he watches his finger sliding in and out slowly.

' _Fuck_ ,' He whispers, grabbing at the hand on his rear.

'You're so fucking tight, baby. Can you relax for me?' Ralph swallows thickly and tears his eyes from the sight to look to him. He nods and the tightness lets up slightly. Jack kisses his knee again and presses on his stomach. 'It'll be easier if you're down.' He murmurs, and Ralph nods again, eyes trained on his face.

'Keep going,' He whispers, 'I'll tell you if it's too much.' Jack pulls his finger out then eases back in, another added along with it. Ralph curses quietly and leans up to kiss him, muffling another moan. Jack lets him press his tongue forward as he crooks his fingers in him, making him cry out into the kiss. Jack pulls back, and Ralph kisses along his neck, fingers tight in his hair.

'This still okay?' He nods, face hidden in his neck, 'Ralph, c'mon. I need to at least hear you. Let me know this is good for you.'

'Is it good you?' His voice comes muffled from his skin.

'Amazing.' He murmurs.

'Then it is for me, too.' Ralph whispers, kissing his earlobe. 'If it hurts too much I'll stop you. Promise.' Jack nods and noses into his hair.

'Thank you,' He murmurs, pressing his final finger in next to the other two, 'God, you're so good, baby. I love you so much.' Ralph moans again, the sound catching in his throat, hips pressing against his fingers.

'I love you, too.' He whispers, slinging an arm across his shoulders. Jack kisses along his forehead, ignoring the salt of his sweat, and runs his fingers through his hair like he knows he likes.

'God, I wanna fuck you so bad right now.'

'Please - I need you.' Ralph whispers, kissing his cheek, his tone desperate.

'Are you ready for that?' Jack pulls his hand away and Ralph whines at the loss, hips lifting, hands seeking something else.

'I'm ready. Please, love, I'm so fucking ready.' Jack nods and reaches for the lube again, gently detaching himself from Ralph to lean back and coat his length in a healthy amount of it.

'You gettin' hard again already, baby?' He murmurs, noticing his half-hard state. Ralph flushes and nods, and Jack hums, setting the bottle back on the bedside table. 'Don't worry. I told you - I'm here to take care of you.'

He wipes the remainder of the lube on his hand over Ralph's entrance, humming. He lines himself up but pauses, smiling teasingly.

'Bet I could get you to come with just my fingers.' Ralph moans, pressing his hands to his chest.

'No - I need to feel you in me. Please.' Jack hums, smoothing his knuckles down his face.

'I know, baby. Relax, m'kay?' Ralph nods, pressing his knees to each side of his waist, biting his lip.

'Take me.' He whispers, breathlessly, fingers laying gently on his neck. Jack presses back a shiver and eases in slowly, pausing with every inch. Ralph doesn't falter, his breath hitching the only sign of any possible discomfort. But, it might be pleasure. Jack wasn't really sure.

-xXx-

Ralph still didn't understand why he had waited so long to do this.

This was the most attentive he's ever seen Jack - focused and soft and all of his energy directed on making him feel good. He loved it. Even the touches and the kisses, normally gentle, were softer than usual, patient and slow tracked over his skin.

Ralph grasps both of Jack's hands and pulls him down so their intertwined hands are on either side of his head. Jack slides all the way into him and pulls a hand free to cup his cheek, searching his face with faint concern.

'You're okay?' Ralph nods.

'Let me - ' He shifts under him, wriggling his hips to try and get used to the stretch. It's just enough that it burns, just enough that Ralph knows he'll still feel it tomorrow, but it's entirely pleasant. As soon as he's adjusted to the feeling, he nods, and Jack bites his lip, sinking down low and resting his forehead on the pillow above his head, effectively caging him in on one side. 'Do I make you feel good?' He whispers as Jack starts moving, and the redhead smiles, kissing him gently.

'It feels amazing. You feel amazing.' Ralph swallows thickly and rests his free hand on his cock, idly stroking, trying to mimic Jack's movements from earlier.

'Tell me.' He whispers, uncertain, and Jack hums, thumb tracing his scalp and making him shiver.

'You're so tight around me. Perfect - like we were built for each other,' He whispers, kissing the space between his brows, 'And you're so beautiful. So fucking beautiful. I could look at you for days.'

'I don't know what that has to do with how good this is for you.'

'It doesn't. Just thought I should tell you again,' He pauses to curse quietly, hips suddenly snapping forward. Ralph gasps, and his face must screw up more than he realizes, because Jack stops cold, both hands on his cheeks. 'Fuck, Ralph - I'm sorry. You okay?' He nods, and Jack hesitantly starts to move again. It's slower than before, not as loose and lazy. Ralph tugs him back down, seeking that same caged in feeling.

'Keep talking.' He whispers, fingers smoothing over the guilty crease in his brow. Jack swallows and carefully lowers back into the same position, the pace at which his hips move slowly increasing.

'Uh - you're so patient. And so forgiving. And so kind. About all of this. I'm the one that's supposed to be treating you, but here you are.' He pauses, stopping again as he pulls back to get a good look at him. ' - This is good, right? I don't know how to do this slow shit.' Ralph nods and takes his face in his hands.

'You can go harder. I won't break.'

'You sure?' Ralph nods again, and Jack straightens up, biting his lip as he pushes his thumbs under his thighs, lifting his legs up and angling his hips to get a better depth. 'Tell me if I go too far, and I'll go back to what I was doing before.' Ralph nods, caught by his appearance. Flushed pink and not quite meeting his gaze, caught between his lifted knees, but slowly gaining that familiar confidence back. Ralph had never found him more attractive.

Jack coughs once, then starts moving, hips pushing forward enough to make Ralph move back. Ralph hums in pleasure, and Jack smiles cautiously, gaining speed as he sinks between his knees to kiss him, tongue pressing into his willing mouth.

Soon, he's moving quick and just rough enough to be painful, and Ralph is moaning into the kiss, hands buried into his hair, preventing him from pulling back. Jack strokes his cock in time with his thrusts, and Ralph lets out a high-pitched whine when he bites at his lip, flinching slightly. If Jack notices, he doesn't say anything.

The kiss breaks and Jack groans, grabbing at Ralph's face, pressing his thumb into his mouth. Ralph closes his lips and moans around it, hands coming up to grip his wrist. Jack falls forward, pushing his forehead to his as he whispers his name, over and over as his other hand shakily pushes through his hair, cradling the back of his head. His thrusts slow and falter as he groans, pulling at his hair as he pulls his thumb from his mouth to rest his hand over his throat.

'I'm gonna come. Fuck, baby, you're so fucking - ' He leans back, gasping for breath, ' - Yeah, spread your legs. Lemme see your cock. Fuck. You gonna come again, baby boy?' Ralph manages a nod, grabbing for his hand again. 'Come with me, baby, lemme hear you.' He whispers, gripping his hand tightly.

Jack ends up coming first, unraveling with a shout of Ralph's name, but he isn't far behind, letting out a broken cry when he spills onto his stomach and chest. Jack smiles and pulls out, touching his cheek briefly before falling onto his side, gasping.

'Holy fuck.' He murmurs, rolling onto his back. Ralph laughs breathlessly and hums in agreement, rolling onto his side to rest his head on his chest.

'Yeah.' Jack wraps an arm across his back and pulls him close, kissing his hair.

'Was that okay?' He whispers, and Ralph nods, kissing over his heart.

'It was perfect.' He replies, just as hushed, tracing his index finger along his collarbone. Jack hums, turning to look at him.

'I love you.'

'I know,' Ralph smiles and tugs at him until he's on his side again, 'I love you too.'

'Will you stay over?'

'I want to, though. My dad'll get mad.'

'Who cares? Stay with me.' Jack whispers, rolling them over to press him into the mattress, pressing sleepy kisses along his jaw, 'I'll fall asleep on you, and then you'll have no choice.' He mouths lazily at his neck, fingers sliding through Ralph's hair.

'I _am_ tired.'

'Good.' Jack draws him closer and settles onto the pillows. 'So you're staying?'

'I'm staying.'


	21. XXI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u know how i said there are no more fillers?  
> i lied
> 
> (THIS IS THE LAST ONE PROMISE)

When Jack wakes up the next morning, he fully expects to be greeted by the weight and heat of Ralph draped over him. When he doesn't find it, he blindly reaches out, feeling for him, groaning in tired confusion.

The other side of the bed is empty, the mattress still warm. Jack rubs his hands down his face and sits up, squinting into the bright room, then checking the time.

He hears faint laughter from the front room, and he recognizes Ralph's voice. Jack grunts and gets out of bed to pull on some clothes quickly.

  
When he comes out, he finds Ralph sitting across from his mother, cradling a mug and smiling broadly. He's wearing the shirt Jack wore the day before and his jeans, and he still looks absolutely wrecked. Jack presses back a grin at the knowledge that he did that to him when Ralph turns around and bites his lip, holding his hand out, making a grabbing motion. Jack closes the distance and pushes his hand away playfully, sitting beside him.

'Hey, love. How'd you sleep?' Ralph whispers, leaning into him.

'Better than I usually do. How do you feel?'

'I could be better.' Ralph says, but he grins and nudges his leg with his foot before leaning away and setting his mug, which Jack can now see is empty, on the table, smiling at his mother. 'I should be headed home, anyways.' He stands and stretches, then turns to Jack. 'Walk me out?'

 

Out on the stoop, Ralph tugs him close and rests his forehead on his shoulder.

'Your mum is nice.' Jack shrugs, kissing his hair. 'Thank you, by the way. For last night - making it good and everything.'

'It was your first time.' Jack shifts against him and swallows. He didn't know why he was so nervous - he had plenty of morning afters, plenty of those more awkward than this. Ralph hums and pulls him closer for a moment, then eases away to meet his eyes, cupping his cheeks and rubbing his thumbs over his cheekbones.

'I'm glad it was with you,' Jack braces his hand against his neck, resisting the urge to pull him into a kiss.

'I was, too.' He murmurs, and Ralph hums, kisses his cheek quickly.

'I love you a lot,' The blond takes a step away, biting his nail. Jack immediately wants him back against his chest, never wants him to be more than a breath away again. He reaches out, touches his hand. 'Call me, okay? Or text. Or something - send a smoke signal if you must. I just - Love you.' Ralph finishes lamely, walks down one step backwards. Jack nods, following him, like he had him on a string. Which, in some ways, he did.

'I will,' He stops at the edge of the top step, smiling down at Ralph, who places his hand over his heart, then extends his arm out, biting his lip as he wiggles his fingers, walking backwards down the walk way and to his car. Jack wrinkles his nose and sits down, watching Ralph until he drives around the corner, heart beating fast and hard in his chest.

Fuck, did it hurt, loving someone this much.

-xXx-

The house is silent when Ralph gets home. He can't figure out if it's because his father has already left for work or because he was still asleep. Either way is fine with him. He goes back out the door, and drives to Simon's house.

 

Charlie is there when he gets there, opening the door and biting his lip. He looks off - rumpled shirt, heaving chest, pink cheeks. A sly smile spreads over Ralph's features.

'Did you two shag?' He asks, checking his watch. Simon appears behind Charlie, looking equally as rumpled.

'No! No. We just woke up, is all.' Charlie's cheeks have gone a darker pink as he drops his gaze. Ralph bites his lip, resists the urge to prod further, and instead ducks into the house.

'Speaking of shagging...' He says, mostly to Simon, who's gaze lights up.

'You and Jack...?' He asks, then glances over at Charlie, who still hangs in the doorway, watches as he shuts the door almost reluctantly. Ralph nods, glancing over his shoulder. Something was _really_ off with Charlie - he would have to talk to the boy later, when Simon wasn't in the room.

'Yeah,' He says, turning his attention back to Simon.

'Was it good? Was he good? Did he hurt you?'

'It was... Really great, actually. I think - he seemed to think so. And Jack was... Amazing. And gentle, too. Fuck, he was so gentle - it was really sweet.' Simon glances back at Charlie again, who had wandered over to his side. He takes Charlie's hand, threads their fingers together.

'And this morning?' Simon prompts, tugging Charlie into the sitting room. Ralph follows.

'I _wanted_ to be there when he woke up, but I had to pee, and of _course_ his mom was home, and I didn't know where the bathroom was, so I accidentally walked into her room,' Simon practically sits in Charlie's lap, seemingly torn between the two boys, and Ralph sits on the arm of the armchair, feeling like he had intruded on something. Charlie whispers something to Simon, who shakes his head and pats his knee before turning back to Ralph, attention drawn to him again. 'And we started talking, and I couldn't just go back to Jack's room to wait for him to wake up, so... I just kinda... Said goodbye on the porch?' Simon winces, and Charlie edges forward, cheeks still red.

'What did it feel like? When he... You know.' Ralph hesitates, shrugs.

'Like you'd expect, I guess. It kind of hurt, but only for a bit. It feels really good, Charlie, if that's what you're worried about.'

'I'm not...' He looks to Simon, and swallows, then bites his lip, '...I'm not worried about how it feels. I know it isn't gonna feel horrible, if you prepare, I can _read_.' Ralph swallows, and shrugs, desperately hoping for an excuse to leave and let these two get back to whatever it was had Charlie so jumpy.

And his prayer is answered, when his phone starts ringing, Jack's contact information bold across his screen.

'It's my dad,' He lies hurriedly, standing, 'I should probably go.' Simon nods, looks at him thankfully, then leads him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt rlly like this chapter but... meh. what are u gonna do? rewrite it?   
> lmao no im lazy


	22. XXII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied abt no more filler chapters bc i forgot what i wanted to do in this chapter so...  
> Talking About Their Future Even Though They Are In High School™
> 
> (this is rlly short but im lazy and also??? i just wrote a 5k long chapter for a new fic gimme a break)

Ralph has stopped knocking on his door and started just letting himself in.

Jack doesn't mind, smiles when he comes in late afternoon, walking past where he sits on the sofa to go into the kitchen, running his fingers through his hair briefly as he does. Jack grins, tilts his head back to watch him. Ralph climbs over the back of the sofa a moment later, a glass of water in his hand.

'Hey,' He whispers, kissing his cheek. Jack grins and slides his fingers through his hair, kisses his temple.

'What's up?' Ralph smiles and curls into his side, takes a sip of his water.

'Nothin'. Just missed you.' Jack snorts and pulls him across his lap, kisses him quickly. 'I'm gonna spill my water.' He whispers, and Jack smiles, tucking his nose into the crook of his neck.

'Then put it down.' He hums, tugging at his jacket. His skin tastes like salt, smells like sweat. Ralph pulls back, taking another drink and settling back, grinning into the cup.

'I can't. I'm thirsty,' Jack rolls his eyes and brushes his hair from his neck, kisses his pulse again, 'I went for a jog just now.'

'No wonder you smell like that.'

'I could shower if it really bugs you,' Ralph hums, cradles the back of his head.

'Nah, don't bother. I kind of like it, in a weird way. It reminds me of the other night.' Ralph finishes the water and turns to him, kissing him gently.

'Really?' Jack nods, and Ralph laughs quietly, pulling away to rest his head in his lap.

'That was a really great night.' He whispers, although there isn't anyone around to hear them. 'You were so beautiful. Are so beautiful. Look at you.' Jack smooths his fingers through his hair. 'I want that to happen every night.'

'You want to have sex every night?'

'No. Well. I wouldn't be adverse to it? Not every night, obviously, but... Often. What I meant was,' He pauses, rubs the collar of his shirt between his fingers, 'I want to spend every night together like that. And every day. Not every waking moment, because that would be... Too much. But, um. Yeah. I just... I love you so much, Ralph.' Ralph grins, pulls him down into a kiss, hands on his cheek, his neck, then going into his hair.

'Can I tell you something?' Jack nods, and Ralph sits up, leaning his elbow on his thigh. 'I've had my entire life figured out, since I was in grade two. Where I would go to college, where I would work, what I would do... I would marry a nice girl, get a house with a fence and a garden and a dog, and have a couple of kids... But I don't want that part anymore.' Jack pauses, looks down at him.

'What do you want?'

'You.' He says simply, and Jack grins, kisses him, a series of closed mouth, quick kisses to his lips, his hands burying in his hair. Ralph smiles into them, grasps his wrists loosely.

'I think we can work something out.' He whispers in response, gently pushing Ralph's head from his lap and climbing on top of him, pulling him into a long kiss.


	23. XXIII

Ralph is woken when Jack gently pushes him off his chest and back onto the pillows. He groans in objection, reaching for Jack's shirt.

'Shh, baby. I need to use the loo. One sec, 'kay? Go back to sleep.' He whispers, rubbing his back soothingly and kissing his shoulder. Ralph nods and reluctantly rolls over, shifting to find a comfortable position. Jack laughs quietly and kisses the back of his neck, climbing over him and out of bed.

 

Ralph has fallen back asleep by the time Jack climbs back into bed, straddling his waist. Ralph opens an eye when he brushes his thumbs over his temples.

'Good morning, sweetness. How'd you sleep?' Ralph shifts under him and hums, closing his eyes again.

'Meh. You need a better bed.'

'Is that so?'

'Yeah. Only reason I slept at all was 'cause you're an excellent body pillow.' Jack laughs as he grasps his wrists, kissing along his forearms. He pins his arms over his head and eases down his body to kiss his stomach.

'Huh. I seem to remember your bed being perfectly comfortable. If you have an issue...'

'I thought we agreed that we would spend every night together? I like sleeping on you.'

'Maybe we can try your bed next, then.' Jack murmurs, settling between his knees and kissing his hipbone.

'You know my dad would have a fit if he knew we were thinking of even sitting on that bed without at least five feet between us.' Jack smiles, bending his legs at the knee and kissing behind his knee. Ralph shivers, letting him ease his knees towards his chest.

'Still, if you're hellbent on complain' about my bed...' Jack kisses the back of his thighs, grinning when Ralph whimpers.

'Stop talking, Jack.' He breathes, fingers pushing through his curls. Jack laughs, but does as he's told, sucking a mark into his skin. Ralph hums in pleasure, tangling his hand in his hair.

 

Ralph loses track of time, but by the time Jack pulls away and leans his cheek on his hipbone, he's a mess. He whimpers when Jack runs his hands down the inside of his thighs, hand dropping to his shoulder.

'Wow,' Jack whispers when he takes in his handiwork, fingers working under the waistband of his briefs. Ralph flushes. 'You're so beautiful. A beautiful mess, huh?' Ralph shudders under his hands and bends into him.

'Your mess.' He whispers, and Jack grins, teasing his briefs down his hips.

'Tell me, baby, did I suck you off the other night?' Ralph splutters, trying to think of anything but this moment in time, 'Hm. Doesn't matter. I'll do it again. I know you'll look amazing from down here.' Ralph swallows thickly and nods, resting his head back against the pillows.

 

Jack has just moved to start when Ralph's phone chimes, jarring them from the moment. Jack groans and rests his cheek in the hollow of his hipbone.

'Leave it.' He whispers, reaching for Ralph's hands. He gives him one, but picks the phone up.

'It could be my dad.' He murmurs, attention trained on the screen. Jack sighs and kisses his hip, tongue running over the bone teasingly. Ralph frowns and shifts away. 'It's not.'

'Then put it away.'

'In a sec... It's Eric. There's a party. Usually, I don't go to their parties, but I've kinda been ignoring everyone lately.'

'Then go. I can survive a night without you.' Jack dismisses quickly, reaching up. 'Now. This? Away. Now.' He drops it to the bed, quickly grabbing Ralph's other hand.

'So bossy,' Ralph murmurs, squeezing his hands. 'I'd like you to come. Officially meet all my friends. As my boyfriend. Who I am officially shagging.' That makes Jack stop.

'Do they know?'

'Roger knows, doesn't he?' He counters, and Jack frowns, but doesn't object. 'I just told Simon and Charlie. But Simon gets excited about these things. They all know by now, I'm sure.'

'Ralph, sweetness?'

'Mhm?'

'Stop talking.' Ralph smiles fondly, pressing his fingers more firmly into the spaces between Jack's. 'Let me do this for you.'

 

Jack works slowly. That is made clear as soon as his breath washes over his hardness, which has been ignored by both of them until now. It's pleasantly warm, and his cock jumps in response. Jack smiles, finger working around the base slowly, making Ralph whine.

'So sensitive.' He teases, kissing the head of his cock gently. Ralph gasps, free hand flying to the base of his skull.

'I'm not sensitive, I'm just tired of waiting for you to get on with it.'

'You're quite the impatient one, aren't you?' Jack teases, pressing another short kiss to the same spot. Ralph's hips jerk impatiently, so Jack sighs, releasing his other hand to press his arm across his hips. Ralph huffs and pushes his fingers through his hair.

'Please, Jack.' He whispers, and Jack hums, shifting forward to kiss his hipbone. He whines again, gripping at his hair.

'Hm. I've gotten you all worked up, haven't I? I'm sorry, sweetness.' He murmurs, sounding as far from sorry as someone can get. 'I guess I should help you calm down, huh?' Ralph nods quickly as soon as his hand wraps more solidly around the base of his cock.

'Yes, please,' He whispers, and Jack laughs softly, running his lips over his skin slowly. He pulls back to look at Ralph, and bites his lip.

'You're so pretty like this. Maybe I should just let you suffer.' Before Ralph can voice his objections, he wraps his lips around the head of his cock, and any words quickly die out and sputter into a low, hoarse moan.

' _Fuck_ ,' He breathes, slinging his arm over his forehead. Jack smiles before taking more of him into his mouth, lips tight around his shaft. Ralph glances down, flushing as soon as their eyes meet. 'You look good with your mouth on my cock.' He murmurs, panting already, 'And you can't be mouthy, which is a plus.' Jack's thumbs press into his hipbones and he shudders, moving the crook of his elbow over his eyes and tilting his head back towards the headboard.

Jack suddenly moves as far down as he can go, and Ralph gasps, arching off the bed, cursing loudly as both hands fly to his hair to hold him there. He panics when Jack starts pulling back, breath hiking in desperation as he fists into his hair, pressing his face into the pillow.

'Ralph, let me do something.' He mumbles as best he can, and Ralph whines, but drops his hands to his shoulders. Jack starts to bob his head slowly, tongue pressing to the underside of his cock, and he lets out a shaky moan.

'Oh,' He breathes, and Jack raises his brow in a silent question, eyes crinkling in a smile that can't reach his lips, 'Yeah. Okay. That's - wow.' Ralph laughs breathlessly and sits up, playing with the thin hair at the base of Jack's head, watching him fondly. 'You're so fucking amazing.' He murmurs, pushing his hair from his face so he can hold his gaze. Jack hums, and Ralph gasps at the vibrations it causes. Jack pulls back to speak.

'Do you want me to do that again?'

'Which part?' He whispers, hips subconsciously straining off the bed.

'The humming bit.' Ralph nods wordlessly, fingers interlocking against the back of his neck as he moves down again, mouth all over him. He pauses, his shoulders shaking as he laughs to himself, starting to hum a nursery rhyme. Ralph snorts, then tilts his head back, letting his eyes close.

'God - who knew Mary Had A Little Lamb could be so hot.'

 

Jack has dropped the whole _slow morning blowjob_ act, and now sucks at him at an almost ruthless pressure. Ralph sobs out, grabbing at his hair as he draws closer to climax.

'Fuck - don't stop doing that. Don't you fucking dare stop doing that.' He groans, hips pushing up into his mouth. Jack holds him down, grabbing for his hand and digging his nails into his skin.

'You close, baby?' He murmurs, pulling back to stroke him. Ralph nods, a jerky motion as he presses the curve of his wrist to his mouth, moaning into his skin. 'Come for me, pretty boy. Let me hear you.' Ralph slaps his hand down over his and lurches forward as he tumbles over the edge, crying his name weakly. Jack reaches up, cupping his face and bringing him into a heated kiss, stroking him down from the high.

'That's it,' He murmurs as Ralph falls against his shoulder, chest heaving.

The blond pushes his arm away and pulls him back with him as he falls back against the pillows, face hidden in his hair.

'That was really good.' He breathes, and Jack hums, kissing his shoulder. 'Fuck. We just woke up and I already need a nap.' Ralph laughs breathlessly then sighs in contentment.

'Shouldn't you reply to that invite? RSVP or whatever?' Jack murmurs, rolling the both of them on their sides, tangling their legs together. Ralph grunts and pushes his face into his chest.

'You really think the twins are that organized? If you want, my password is Simon's birthday.'

'I don't know Simon's birthday.' Ralph shrugs, pressing his hand over his mouth. Jack presses back the childish urge to lick his palm, instead pulling back and pushing his face into Ralph's neck.

'You're outta luck then,' He mumbles, already sounding half-asleep, 'You talk too much. Let me sleep this off.' Jack smiles, closes his eyes and kisses his pulse.

'Sleep tight. Love you.'

'Shut up,' Ralph half-pushes him onto his back, slinging a leg over his waist and drawing his hips closer, 'I love you, too.'


	24. XXIV

When they get to the twins' house, the party is already well underway. Jack pauses and wraps his arm around Ralph's middle, pulling him to his front. He has borrowed one of his shirts, and it hangs off him in a way that shouldn't be flattering.

'You should wear my clothes more often.' He whispers in his ear, kissing his jaw. Ralph grins and leans back against him, looking up at the house. 'You look good in them.' His hand presses to his stomach, pulling the shirt up his torso, just enough to trace over the moles scattered over his skin.

'Jack,' Ralph murmurs warningly, pushing at his arm, 'We should go in.'

'I think,' Jack whispers, slowly walking towards the front door, 'That's a good idea. We can find a room... You do look good in my clothes, but I know you'll look amazing out of them.' Ralph laughs as he kisses his cheek, gently squirming away.

'We aren't here to shag - we could've stayed at your house to do that. We're here to see my friends.'

'That's no fun,' Ralph's brow creases as he climbs the stairs, glancing back at him.

'Okay. I haven't seen all of your tattoos yet, have I? Look - be patient. Be civil. And, maybe... That whole tattoo thing will change, back home.' Jack grins, takes the steps two at a time to meet him, pulling him into a lingering kiss.

'Sounds like a deal.' He whispers, pressing Ralph to the railing and deepening the kiss.

Two things happen at once - first, Ralph's fingers press into his neck, and the door swings open. Maurice leans in the doorway, a grin splitting his face.

'You two comin' in, or are you just gonna shag on the porch?' He asks, holding out a cup to Jack when he pulls away.

'I'm driving.' Jack frowns at the drink, and Ralph hums, taking it for him.

'One drink won't kill ya.' He whispers, sipping the drink and slipping past him, taking his hand and tugging him into the house.

 

Ralph practically sits in Jack's lap on the sofa, running his nail across the back of his neck. He has convinced one drink into him, and now everything is warmer and softer than it was before he downed the rum and Coke. He turns his face into his hair and smiles, kissing his temple. Ralph glances up at him briefly as he leans forward. His face is bright and his body is slack against Jack's side as he chatters away about something with Maurice and the twins.

He seems about half a drink away from being completely wasted.

And he's gorgeous.

 

The house has pretty much emptied by the time Jack starts getting impatient. He presses his face into the back of his neck and whines, tugging at his shirt. Ralph leans back against him, turning around to look at him.

'Patience, remember?' He whispers, pressing his fingers into his cheek.

'No one is here anymore, baby.' Jack whines, mouthing at his jaw. Ralph looks back to his friends and rolls his eyes as Jack's hand presses to his stomach.

'Do you guys want a room?' Maurice asks, tactless, and Jack glances up at him.

'Fuck yeah,'

'No,' Ralph says at the same time, letting Jack bite at his neck and press his hands over his hips. 'I think you're drunker than I am, love.'

'I barely had one drink. I'm driving, remember?' Jack whispers, tugging Ralph into his lap and resting his chin on his shoulder. Ralph twists and kisses his cheek quickly before turning back to his conversation, allowing Jack to trace his finger over his back and ribs. He tests the limits of what Ralph will let him do, running his fingers along the inside of his thighs and mouthing at his jaw. Ralph grabs his hand when it gets too high, moving back against him and lacing their fingers together. He turns to him and frowns.

'Remember what I said,' He whispers, and Jack sighs, pulling his hands free to pull him back against his chest, tracing the shell of his ear.

 

Maurice finally leaves, and Ralph stands, stretching and waiting for Jack by the door.

'You're okay to drive?' He asks once they're outside, biting his nail, 'If you aren't, it's no biggie. We can go back inside - Sam and Eric have like, a shitload of extra rooms.'

'I'm fine.' Jack pulls the keys out and unlocks his car, opening the door for Ralph. Ralph stops and leans over the door to pull him into a kiss.

'That stunt you pulled in there frustrated me to no end, you know that?' He whispers, 'All I want to do is just climb into that backseat and fuck, right here and now.' Jack is glad for the car door between them when his jeans start to tighten. He gives him a smile, kissing him briefly.

'Can you wait twenty minutes, and I can fuck you on my shitty bed instead of my mom's shitty backseat?' Ralph bites his lip and looks over his shoulder at the road, then nods, dropping into the passenger seat. Jack rounds around the front and gets behind the wheel, staring the car. As soon as he does, Ralph is on him, lips on his neck, hands in his shirt.

'I love you,' He whispers, 'But you are so difficult sometimes.' Jack laughs, pulling out of the driveway with ease.

'And your answer is crawling all over me while I'm trying to get us home?'

'You make it hard on me, I'll do the same. It's only fair, y'know.' Jack hums, gently pushing him away to get a better view of the road.

'Wait until we're off the road and I don't have our lives in my hands, alright baby? You can tease me all you want when we get home,'

'I'll remember that.' Ralph smiles and sits back, pulling his knees to his chin.

'And put your seat belt on!' Ralph wrinkles his nose at him, then twists to look out the window. Jack slows to a stop and takes his hand.

'I love you so much, Ralph, y'know?' Ralph turns to him and grins. He says something back, but it's drowned out by a loud honking. He jumps, and looks up. The red light he'd stopped at was now green, and he had no idea how long it had been green for. Ralph glances back at the car behind them as he pulls the seat belt across him as Jack starts again.

  
A silence descends over the car, until Ralph speaks again.

'Um. What I was trying to say, before some _asshole_ decided he couldn't wait two seconds, was that I really think that I want to - ' Jack hadn't realized how slow he was going until the light from the semi fills his world, the deafening honking the only thing he can hear.  
Ralph's hand smacks over his forearm as it collides.

And everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't :) drink :) and :) drive :)))


	25. XXV

When Jack comes to, Ralph is at his window, jerking helplessly at the handle of his door.

Everything hurts, and he can't breathe right, can't move right.

He must groan, or make some sort of noise, because Ralph's hands are on his cheeks, his neck, his voice cutting through the high pitched ringing in his ears.

'Jack? Oh God, Jack, _fuck_ \- ' He pushes at the airbag, then returns his attention to the door. 'It won't - open!' He sobs desperately, then leans through the window - smashed out and cleared away - to check the door's lock. Jack leans up with considerable difficulty and takes his face in his hand.

'Ralph - calm down. Calm down. We're alright. There are other ways to get out. Help me get out your side.' Ralph looks up across the car, and nods, wiping at his cheeks as he runs around the front of the car, hanging at the doorway. He glances at the roof of the car, swallows, then climbs in, hands shaking as he unbuckles his seat belt, pulling him from the seat.

Jack tumbles onto the wet grass in a less than graceful manner. Ralph helps him away from the car, smoking and hissing on the side of the road. It looks like the back half took most of the damage, and he thanks all higher powers that there wasn't anyone else with them. He glances back at Ralph, who is shakily dialling 999. He sits up with great effort, groaning at the ache in his ribs. Damn airbag probably broke a couple of them.

'Um, yes. There's been an accident? At the corner of Southerland and Richland Avenue. No. No, um, he's gone. No casualties, um, only minor injuries I think. Two people. Thank you.' Ralph shoves his phone back in his pocket and turns to him, cheeks still wet with tears and... Blood.

'You're bleeding.' He croaks. Ralph looks down at him in surprise, like he hadn't noticed. He touches the edge of his hairline and blinks when his fingers come away wet and red.

'It's nothing. Barely a paper cut. I'm more worried about those ribs of yours.' He moves over him and tugs his shirt up over his stomach, touching his sides gently. Jack winces and jerks away from the brush, letting his shirt fall back into place.

'Let's just wait for help.'

 

He doesn't know how long it takes, but he's freezing by the time anyone comes. Ralph has gone quiet, arms wrapped around his neck and head on his shoulder. He's still bleeding - Jack can't tell if he's gone into shock or if he had come out it and the pain was too much to handle speaking.

A police car pulls up first, then an ambulance soon after. Jack gently urges Ralph from his lap, shakily climbing to his feet to meet the paramedics. Ralph clings onto his arm until the paramedics separate them to check out his head and any worse injuries that Jack didn't notice. He listens to the woman talk to Ralph quietly, asking about his parents, why he was out so late, and Jack realizes that neither of their parents were called. He reaches around the man who prods at his ribs with gloved fingers to pull his phone from his pocket, holding back a wince when the man finds an especially tender spot. He isn't even sure if his mom is home - or if she was, if she's awake. He calls anyways.

 

Another hour passes before Ralph's father arrives, and a small crowd has gathered. The man shoulders past the crowd and marches straight up to the police gathered around the car. Jack moves closer to Ralph and drapes part of the blanket he was given over his shoulders. Ralph leans against him wordlessly, closing his eyes. He tries to listen in on the conversations around him, but they're all too quiet or too far away to hear properly.

'Jack,' Ralph whispers weakly, and he turns his attention back to him immediately.

'I'm here.'

'I'm tired. I just want to go home.'

'I know, baby. I know.'

 

They're taken to the hospital for further treatment - Jack has two bruised ribs and some minor whiplash. Ralph is worse off, with a concussion, whiplash. He needed to have glass removed from his leg, something Jack cursed himself for not noticing, and three stitches for the gash on his head.

After they're left alone, Ralph climbs into his hospital bed and presses his cheek into his chest. It hurts when Ralph presses into him, but he doesn't push him away. 

'Will you be alright?' He whispers into the dark room, and Ralph nods, sniffling.

'If you're with me.' Ralph tightens his grip on his shirt and pulls him closer still. Jack smooths his hair down and manages a smile.

'Get some sleep, okay?'

 

The next morning, Jack's mother is there, gushing over him and apologizing numerous times about not answering her phone, not coming sooner. Jack moves away when she cups his face, looking after Ralph when he climbs from the bed to give him space. Space wasn't what he needed right now - Ralph is what he needed.

'Mum - please.' He murmurs, and the woman gives him a tight smile.

'Of course,' She draws away, then smooths his hair down, 'Um. The doctors said you're alright to go home. I brought a change of clothes - I figured you wanted... Out of those.' She sets the folded pile on his lap, and he nods.

'Thank you. But, uh, I don't really want to? Go home right now? If it's alright with you - and Ralph's father, of course - I kind of want to stay with him. For a bit.' A flash of hurt goes across his mother's face, but it's replaced with another tight smile.

'Of course, sweetpea, I understand. You two went through a very traumatic experience together, and it's - '

'Mum. Please.' He says again, louder this time, and she presses her lips into a thin line.

'Okay. I'll leave you to change - I can bring some things over to their house later.' Jack nods, waiting until she leaves the room to shakily stand. Ralph is over in an instant, steadying him and helping him take his shirt off. He pauses and touches his face, avoiding the bruises that bloomed overnight.

'You shouldn't be up and running around, baby. You have a concussion, remember?'

'I know. I can lie around all day at home. But you're hurt, too.' He touches his bruised ribs to prove his point, and Jack shifts uncomfortably at the dull throb of pain that meets his gentle touch. 'I want to help you. It was my fault.' That makes Jack stop, lower his arms.

'What do you mean?'

'I was distracting you. I shouldn't have been climbing all over you like that, when you were driving.' Jack's brow furrows, and he leans over, taking his face in both of his hands, pressing their foreheads together.

'That wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine. It was a hit-and-run, baby. It would've happened if you were in the backseat, or if you weren't even in the car.' Those words draw Jack's thoughts elsewhere. If Ralph had been in the backseat, he would be dead. A red smear on the asphalt, the inside of the car.  He grips his jaw tighter, ignoring Ralph's small noise of pain, and pulls him into a long kiss. Ralph goes limp against him, fingers dropping to his hips, pressing into the denim. Jack pulls away and gives him a small smile, pushing him down to sit on the bed. He wears shorts, probably to avoid having fabric over the thick bandage taped to his calf, and a fresh shirt that he must have changed into when Jack was talking to his mom. With much effort, Jack pulls the jumper on and sits to take his jeans off. Ralph presses his face into the curve of his shoulder and smiles.

'We're a mess, aren't we? I can't stand up without the world spinning, and you can barely take your trousers off.'

'We're allowed to be a mess.' Jack says in response, pausing to run his fingers through Ralph's hair, avoiding his hairline. Ralph doesn't miss it, and gives him a strained smile.

'Are we always going to have to avoid parts of each other now?'

'Only until we heal. Only until we don't have to.'

'We don't have to now.' Jack swallows and nods, running his finger over the edge of the stark white bandage. He gives a rueful smile.

'And just when I was started to get acquainted with your body, there's more I need to memorize.'

'I'm still me. Just... A little bit bruised. None of me is new. None of me is gone.'

'Thank God.' Just then, the door opens, and Jack draws away, pulling his jeans on. Ralph's father looks between them, frowning when Jack stands shakily. 'Sir. I wanted to ask you if I could maybe spend a night or two at your house.'

'You don't have a house of your own?'

'I do, it's just - '

'I won't be able to sleep with Jack.' Ralph interjects,  'I tried last night, but all I could think about was - '

'Fine! Fine. He can stay over. But if you think for a second that that door will be closed at any point, you're dead wrong.' Ralph smiles up at his father and nods.

 

Out in the parking lot, Ralph pauses in the doorway of his father's car. His father is already in, safety belt drawn across his chest and car idling. Jack presses his hand to the small of his back, kissing his shoulder.

'I'm here, baby. It's alright.' He murmurs, and Ralph nods, taking his hand and hesitantly climbs into the back, staring at his shoes.

Although his stomach seizes, Jack gets in right after Ralph and shuts the door tightly, squeezing his hand.

He doesn't let go until they get out.

 

Ralph's father drags a leather couch in from his office down the hall, but Ralph pretends not to see it as he pulls Jack into the bed.

'I'm in the next room. The walls are thin.' Ralph sighs and lies back, pulling Jack down. The sudden movement makes his head spin, and he braces himself on his chest, wincing.

'Do you really think we're in the mood to shag right now? Jack can barely move without whining.' His father sighs, sounding remarkably like the blond under  him and closes the door partway.

As soon as his footsteps fade, Ralph turns into him and sighs again, visibly deflating.

His face crumbles and he slaps his hand over his mouth, and Jack instantly pulls him into his chest, curling around him protectively.

'Oh my God. We almost died. _I_ almost died - did you see the wreck? A foot to the left and I would've _died_.' Jack nods, pushing his cheek into his hair.

'I know.'

'And what if I didn't? And you did? What would I do then?'

'Move on.' Ralph pulls away and punches him in the chest. _Hard_. Jack finches away, catching his hand before he strikes him again.

'Ow! Fuck, Ralph!'

'Don't. Don't you ever say anything like that ever again, you hear me? If I lost you, I would go insane. I don't want a world that you aren't in.' He frowns deeper and laces his fingers through Jack's, bending to kiss the place he struck. 'Sorry. I didn't mean to hit you that hard.'

'It's fine,' Jack mumbles, a bit winded. Ralph looks up at him, eyes round.

'Don't you ever leave me, okay?'

'I won't.'

'I'm serious, Jack! The thought of losing you just... I hate it. I hate it so much.'

'I get it.' He pushes his hair from his face, looking over it carefully, taking in the little cuts and scrapes. 'I get it. I feel the same. If I had to... I love you so much, Ralph. So fucking much. If I had to... Exist without you, I'd...' Ralph surges up suddenly, their chins colliding. He winces, one hand going to his chin, the other to his forehead. Jack smiles, runs the back of his hand down his cheek.

'I don't think spontaneity is a good idea in our states, babe.' Ralph tentatively smiles back as he takes his chin in his hand, tilting his face back towards him.

The kiss is slow and patient and incredibly chaste. It is far from their most exciting one, showing no sign of going any further than hands running through hair, over cheeks and down necks. But it is the most perfect one.

'I promise,' Jack murmurs, not quite breaking away. There are countless unspoken words weaved in those two words, a majority of them too heavy and big to fit between them at the moment.

'I promise.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh!!! we're at the end of this fic wtf!!! ok i rlly liked this fic this was gr8
> 
> there r going to be new things (obviously, it's me) and if you want updates on those new things and updates on current things, give me a follow on my tumblr over [here](https://savajack.tumblr.com)!


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